Page 8 of Because I Killed Him
I sip from the wine bottle grimly. “Forty-nine.”
She tilts her head, impressed. “Good to know you’re still capable of seeing things through.”
Her jab is well-aimed as usual. I’m not sure why she’s trying to provoke me, but I resist taking the bait.
I never told my sisters I killed a Blue or that I have a weapons restriction. Instead, I told them I quit fencing after losing in the semifinals of the Junior Fencing World Championship. Ever since, Hillaire has called me a quitter.
But it’s better than the alternative.
Her loyalty to the Civilized World has become her whole personality. If she ever finds out I killed a Blue, it could ruin our relationship. As forVivian, her lips are looser than a plastic bag. She can’t keep a secret to save her life.
“Where’s Viv?” I ask, trying to change the subject.
“Gone.” Hillaire tugs at her trouser leg, revealing an ash-stained burn hole in the silk. “She threw her cigarette at me.”
“Why?”
“Because I told her that smoking makes her stink worse than an armpit.”
“I’m sure she didn’t mean to burn you, but you know how sensitive Viv can be.” I set the wine bottle on the railing, trying to balance it on the narrow strip of wrought iron. “You should ease up on her. If you guys can’t get along, who are you going to hang out with when I’m gone?”
Hillaire bites her lower lip, betraying a flicker of anxiety. “I’ll be alone, not lonely.”
“But Viv will be.”
“She should be alone. It’s what she deserves.”
The wine bottle slips from the railing, and I catch it with a frown. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Hillaire’s mouth curls bitterly. “Vivian’s barely spoken to me since she got engaged to Harrison. She hasn’t gone to the tree fort with me once. If she’s lonely while you and Harrison are at Grandmaster, it’s what she deserves.”
I nod, even though I know this isn’t about the tree fort. It’s about Hillaire’s fear of losing Vivian once she and Harrison get married next summer.
“Are you mad at me, too, Hilly?” I ask.
Her eyes narrow on me. “No. Why would I be?”
“Well… I’m leaving you, too.”
“That’s different.”
“How?”
“Because you didn’t choose an outsider over family. And because, in a few years, I’ll be at Grandmaster with you.”
She looks at me from the tops of her eyes, two small beads flecked with green. I never shared her confidence that I’d be accepted to Grandmaster University or her obsession with the campus. For Hillaire, becoming a student means everything. It’s the only thing she works toward, studies for,and trains for. The rules say she can’t apply until she’s eighteen, but if things go wrong while I’m there, I’ll crush her dream because there’s no way Dad will let her apply.
“Harrison might be an outsider now,” I say. “But by next summer, he’ll be family. It’s true we’ll see Viv less, but that’s the shitty part about growing up. Childhood always ends with leaving home.”
The words echo back at me, reminding me I’m in the same boat. When I leave for Grandmaster, I’ll be leaving my childhood behind, too. I twist the neck of the wine bottle between my fingers, each turn like a countdown. The sky has darkened, clouds tinged with smoky yellow, and the smell of rain hangs heavier in the air.
Hillaire’s nostrils pinch with frustration. “You’re not making any sense, Loredana.”
“Which part doesn’t make sense?”
“You’re telling me I should accept Vivian abandoning me over a man, but if that’s what you believe, why did you cry for months after Charlotte did the same to you?”
I shoot her a hard look, reminding her I don’t talk about Charlotte anymore. “That’s different.”
