Page 36 of All's Fair in Love and Pizza
“And?”
I twisted to face him. “He wants to know how I want to handle things, and I’m not sure how to answer that.”
“You’re nervous.”
“Yeah.”
“I get it. It’s scary. I lost a lot of sleep over coming out to my family and in the end, it was anticlimactic.”
“How so?”
Mateo shrugged. “It was a Sunday dinner, and my mom or my aunt had some new girl they wanted me to meet. Every freaking Sunday for years…same story. It felt like we’d just buried my dad and, I dunno…I guess the dam burst. I got so angry and frustrated, and I yelled, ‘Leave me alone! I’m gay!’ or something like that.”
“Oh. Wow.”
“Yeah.” He chuckled. “I’d held that truth for so long and I couldn’t do it any longer. And get this…after years and years of heartache, stomachaches, and seriously dark thoughts, they cheered for me. Honest to God, they stood up and clapped. My mom and aunt hugged me, and my cousin Lucia wanted to set me up with a doctor in her practice.”
“They’re good people.”
“They are. I expected fireworks and got acceptance instead. I’m grateful for it, but they all know I chickened out.”
“How so?”
“My dad was gone. So was Uncle Sal. And I’ve always struggled with it. I’ll never get that chance again.”
“You regret not telling him?”
Mateo blew his cheeks out and shook his head. “Yeah, but that’s easy to say now. At the time…I wasn’t ready. No way. The thought of my dad finding out made me sick to my stomach. Never mind me actuallytellinghim I was gay. Sounds crazy, huh? A grown adult, shaking in his shoes at what his father might say. Look at me. I’m sweating now.”
He pointed at his forehead with a laugh, and he wasn’t kidding.
“Would he have reacted badly?”
“I think it would have been explosive. A huge drama. I think I would have felt unwelcome and I might have left home. And if any of that had happened, I wouldn’t have been here for himwhen he needed me. I wouldn’t have been here for my mom either and the rest of the family. But we’ll never know.” Mateo sat pensively for a moment. “I did what I had to do, but it eats at me…still. And that’s something I have to live with.”
I reached across the console and squeezed his hand. “You’re hard on yourself.”
Mateo let out a huff of agreement and absently linked our pinkies. “Maybe. It doesn’t do me any good. Can’t live in the past, right?”
“Right.”
He released my hand and shifted in his seat. “Do what’s good for you. If it makes it any easier, just know that you’d have a ton of support in town.”
“Thank you,” I said, touched by his earnest expression.
“Mmhmm.You won’t thank me if my mom tries to set you up with me. Speaking of which, let’s get this show on the road. You’ve got a boatload ofputtanescawaiting for you.”
14
ROB
Dinner with the Cavarettis was, as Mateo had warned, absolute chaos.
His Aunt Sylvie lived on a tree-lined street a couple of blocks from campus in a two-story gray shingled house with a large porch. Skateboards, three bicycles, a soccer ball, and a football littered the lawn covered in autumnal leaves, and a wall of sound blasted through the open front door. If I hadn’t known better, I’d have thought we were walking into a frat party.
“Thirty people?”
“At least.” Mateo flashed a pirate’s grin. “This is your final ‘Get out of jail free’ opportunity. Make a break for it, man. I would if I could too.”
