Page 71 of Regal Feather
I moved to cover Santos’s hand with mine. I bet he wasn’t as affected by Tony as I was on a nearly daily basis, but he was still intimidating. And I still felt guilty that today was taking place to begin with. If it wasn’t for me, for my neediness, Santos wouldn’t have felt like he needed to reach out to someone to learn how to fuck me better, or whatever this was about. It didn’t matter how many times he explained his reasoning. As far as I was concerned, it was what it boiled down to.
Deep breaths.
It was important to keep oxygen flowing.
Whatever that meant.
“Sir?”
Tony glanced down at me. He looked amused in that indifferent way he must’ve mastered over the years before I joined the club.
“What is it, girl?”
Some of those texts must’ve included how I preferred to be addressed during a scene.
Blood boiled in my gut.
“I just don’t understand.”
“What don’t you understand?”
I fought not to smile, but it was hard not to tease when he looked like he was really fighting the urge to touch me. It wasa heady feeling. I supposed he wanted to clear things up with Santos some more before he felt like he could do it.
That wasn’t the reason I’d interrupted their negotiation, though.
The reality was the bucket of cold water I’d needed.
“I don’t…” I bit my lip. It turned out that a reality crash was great to sort my thoughts in order, but it didn’t actually help to put them into words. To put those words out in the open where they could be analyzed, and the two of them realized what a fucking mess I was. “I don’t want to be too much.”
It wasn’t even half of the thought, half of the argumentation I’d been building in my head for the last few days. The rest of the words lodged in my throat, though.
“You’re not too much,” Santos argued right away.
It was comforting—I’d known he would say that, no thoughts needed—but not enough.
Tony watched me for another second, head cocked to the side. “Why on Earth would you be too much?”
“I just would.” I shrugged. “It’s what happened with Sir Ismael, I think. I mean, yeah, maybe he took it too far, and wasn’t ready for the aftercare I needed, but he wouldn’t have if I hadn’t been too… something. I think.”
“Ev.” Tony clicked his tongue. “Look at me.”
“It’s true.”
It had to be.
“I’m not going to demonize that guy,” he said, palms held up, “and maybe I’m biased, because Jaime is secretly the neediest sub you’ll ever come across, but you? You’re a fucking walk in the park.”
“I’m not.” I was shaking my head before the words came out. “I don’t express things right, and I need too much, and I want too many things, and I’m into too much stuff.”
“Which only means Santos has a fucking buffet to pick from.”
Oh?
A frown etched in my face as I mulled those words over.
“I’d much rather have a sub who’s into every kink under the sun than one who only wants to be spanked for days,” Tony continued.
I was listening, but I was also parsing out what it meant in my head. If he was wrong or right.
