Page 73 of Regal Feather
I didn’t fight the claim. I would do pretty much anything Santos asked of me. I wouldn’t feel bad about it, either.
Perhaps my life hadn’t been about him in the way that he’d built the narrative around his, but he eclipsed everything regardless.
“What does that mean?” Santos, of course, did.
He probably didn’t notice, but his urge to defend meant that he was tugging my hair tighter. Making it harder to stay silent.To not make a sound that would only be rivaled by the best porn stars, because fuck if I hadn’t missed the pressure that came with being owned in any way.
“You know how you say you’re a service top?” Tony asked. I glanced up at him, but for once, all his focus was on Santos. There was something else, too. I was probably imagining things, though. It happened when I got too in my head with lust and horniness and the need to… “He’s a service sub through and through. Yeah, he wants intensity, and humiliation, and a bunch of other big words, but what he wants most? He wants to be good for you. To do what you ask him to do, and to do a good job of it. Isn’t that right, pretty girl?”
Air left my lungs as I was assaulted with Tony’s full attention once more.
I could only nod, though.
It was what I’d been thinking, just explained in more words.
“Yes, Sir.”
TWENTY-THREE
santos
Chapter 23: Santos
“So, what’s not clicking for you?” Tony asked.
I shook my head. It sounded so easy when he said it like that, like it was just a matter of Ever kneeling a different way. It wasn’t that.
I didn’t want to hurt him. I didn’t know how to cope with the responsibility he placed in me, but more than that, I didn’t know how to cope with the ideas that rushed through my head.
“It was just easier before,” I whispered. Tony had asked Ever to go grab a couple of pillows from his room upstairs so that he was more comfortable kneeling—and as an excuse to get me alone. “With that Dom, I mean. I could just fuck him how I wanted and call him names, and everything else, no problem. I guess it didn’t fall on me, you know? He just told Ever what I should do to him, and I did.”
Following orders was easy. Familiar.
Being in charge wasn’t.
“You want me to tell you what to do?” Tony arched an eyebrow.
I hated myself a little bit.
Ever had said it was okay. Shame still engulfed me. I was frozen, unable to tell him no, to tell him that I got Ever, that I didn’t need anyone, that I was a…man.
Fuck.
I’d done the work. I shouldn’t feel so caged by the notion of masculinity and what it meant and didn’t mean.
Right?
“I don’t want to hurt him.”
“So don’t hurt him.” Tony shrugged.
“But he wants that.”
He talked a lot about it. About León and Danny. About masochism. About limits and how much he could or couldn’t take, and how much he wished he could take.
“Make him think that you are,” he amended. “Kink is much more intense when the focus is on the mental aspects.”
“I’ve read that, yeah.” I nodded to myself. I needed to get my shit together. Ever was either giving us time to talk, or he was about to come back here. “I don’t think I fully understand it.”
