Page 44 of Regal Feather
I was embarrassing.
It was bad enough that somehow this turned into a group hug, and now I was heating up very quickly, and that meant breathing became a struggle, but I didn’t know what to do about it because if I said something, they would pull away, and I didn’t want that.
“Word of advice?” León whispered in my ear. My fingers trembled where I was clutching his hoodie. “That man lights up every time he says your name. You don’t need an intermediary to get him where you want him.”
“But?”
There had to be a but.
Or, actually, there may not be, but I wasn’t used to León addressing me, or saying more than five words in my direction. He was the type that observed and then went with the flow of whatever you were willing to give him, and obviously, that hadn’t always been a lot when it came to me.
“I don’t know him well enough to give you a but.”
Right.
He’d taken too long to let the words out, though. It might be the other two around us, or something else he wasn’t saying, but I didn’t buy that it was so simple. Which meant I was right to be on edge and pulling the brakes on everything else.
Right?
FIFTEEN
santos
Never, not once, could I think back to a time when I had Ever wrapped all around me, and his presence asphyxiated me.
Ever since León had cornered me in the kitchen, though, that itch was there, building up.
Ever had been leaning closer and closer, too. Things were almost back to how they’d been for that couple blissful weeks after we started recording shit for that Dom of his. I didn’t bring him up with Ever, just as I didn’t bring up anything about his group of friends unless it was him who shared. Sure, he had just shown me the text he’d sent them and said that Erika agreed with his reasoning to get his shit together before engaging in something that could be dangerous, whatever that meant. It hadn’t put me at ease, but it was fine. He didn’t have to open up about all his shit.
I didn’t.
Besides, Ever’s parents would be coming anytime soon. I couldn’t forget about it. It seemed vital that I was ready. I couldn’t lose control when they were counting on me to do the opposite. To be some sort of grounding talisman for Ever. Theyliked me, yeah. Ever had said it in so many words. Those things could change, though.
I’d seen it firsthand with my own family.
With…
Nope.
Not going there.
I just ignored the itchiness and brought Ever closer to me.
We weren’t like this before. We didn’t just keep quiet and hope the other would know about the turmoil inside our heads.
I hated it.
I hated seeing how hurt he was. He pretended, but I could see the signs. He’d been really into that online guy. I couldn’t say it made sense, but Ever had been this close to blurting out that he loved him. I didn’t care if it was sub frenzy or any other new term he came up with. It had hit him hard, and I was supposed to kiss it better, but no one had given me a handbook on how to actually do that, and the solution just wasn’t coming to me.
“Santos?”
“Hm?”
“We should leave the house.”
“Sure.” I propped up on one elbow so that I could see him better. Going back to sleeping in his bed, even with all the unsaid shit hanging above our heads, meant I was back to sleeping somewhat better. I wouldn’t say I was at a hundred percent, though. “Where do you wanna go?”
“I don’t know.” He shrugged. He kept making himself so small when he looked at me. I couldn’t quite tell if it was all the hurt he wasn’t letting me carry for him, the submission thing, or something else, but it bothered me. Ever deserved to shine. He definitely didn’t deserve having to look up at me as if I had any answers. “Where do you wanna go?”
