Page 30 of Regal Feather
He wasn’t weak, and he wasn’t a stubborn, spoiled kid who couldn’t face the consequences of his actions.
He was terrified. Imploding inside.
Once it became the two of us, with assurances to Danny that I’d keep him updated even though I doubted I would, he’d loosened up a bit. He was still clinging to my side, though. Refusing to let me see his face.
“I think I’m the problem.”
I saw red. “Because a Dom couldn’t handle you needing aftercare? That’s what it comes down to, isn’t it?”
“It’s not so simple.” Why he felt the need to defend the Dom he hadn’t even seen the face of skipped me. “It’s not like he can do much when he’s a screen away.”
“Then he should’ve thought about it before he pushed you.”
It was the same thing Carlos and Danny had said earlier while talking amongst themselves. Truth be told, I’d needed the opinion of someone who was more comfortable with all these power dynamics than I was. A starting point of sorts to guide the simmering rage building.
The rage was still there, but it vindicated me. It bothered me, too, more doubt piling up, because I had been hesitant at the beginning, too. I’d doubted the good he was doing to Ever, but then I’d changed my mind. Had I been convinced that this Dom was good, or had I just let myself think with my cock, because of all the action I was getting with Ever?
Ever, who I was supposed to be protecting. Ever, who was pretending to be subtle about the way he never let more than an inch of distance between us. About how his fingers clutched the hem of my shirt but let go the second I showed that I noticed he was holding onto me like the lifesaver I clearly wasn’t.
“Can you just…” Ever licked his lips. I’d started to head upstairs with him trailing behind, but I didn’t know where he was going. Did he want us to snuggle in his bed, or was he too raw for it? I didn’t know. I’d been away too long, and he clearly had new ways to cope, and I wasn’t privy to any of them. Dread filled me as I realized that I should’ve asked Danny to stay. He would know better. “I don’t wanna talk about it.”
I sighed.
I did know that my spiraling was not helping. Ever had always read me like an open book, even when I’d been convinced that I was keeping everything under a fortress.
“What do you wanna do?”
“I don’t know,” he mumbled. I pulled him to me before the defeat in his voice translated to his body. I hated this, and I hated not having the answers, but physical touch had always grounded him. It had always warmed him up when things left him frozen and too deep in his head to put his thoughts in order at the speed that society demanded of him. “I want to make things right with you.”
That, I was not expecting. I was somewhat used to the way he processed things when too many emotions coursed through his body. He reached conclusions, but he didn’t air them out in a particular order. Waiting him out worked best, but it wasn’t always possible. Or I wasn’t always able to pull it off. Definitely not, when whatever had all his thoughts scrambled up apparently involved me.
“What do you mean, babes?”
Silence. We didn’t have any grandfather clock around here, but I could’ve sworn I could hear the seconds ticking by.
One.
Two.
Three.
Was I counting the seconds, or was it just my heartbeat?
“It was you and I against the world,” he whispered. “And, when my mother said they were hiring you to live in here, I thought, then I can make sure he’s okay. I can take care of him, and I can talk with Carlos so that I know what to do, and it was going to be great. But I haven’t done any of it, and you…”
He shook his head before I could stop him, disentangling himself from me and heading toward his room.
It was my turn to freeze. Did I follow him? Did I let him chastise himself for something that wasn’t quite making sense to me?
For better or worse, my legs were carrying me to the doorframe of his room before I’d settled on a choice.
“Babes.”
Fuck.
I didn’t mean for my tone to come out so harsh. It almost felt like I was poisoning the endearment, the contained rage I’d have to work through seeping into a place it should’ve never reached.
Ever stood straight as a ramrod. His back was to me, but I knew asking him to turn around was pointless when he was going to do it on his own. I just had to wait him out. To be patient. It was doable.
