Page 103 of Regal Feather
Always
THIRTY-THREE
ev
“Do I have any hobbies?”
“What kind of question is that?” Sergio asked.
Kara frowned hard while she slurped on the unicorn milkshake she had ordered with extra toppings despite Mónica’s reminder that all that dairy only made her period cramps worse. “Shopping is a hobby for some people. And, like, meeting up at cafés. Kink, too.”
“Trash reality TV,” Sergio piped in.
I blushed. Hard. The last part was supposed to be a guilty pleasure I’d shared to get out of a dare one day. Apparently, Sergio had clung to the fact.
In my defense, there wasn’t a lot to do when living as part of my family, and reality TV made it easier to start conversations when I needed to show face in the sort of charity galas and functions that made me want to crawl out of my skin with discomfort. They were also, for some weird reason, an acceptable programme in military bases, so it gave me an easy topic to keep Santos for hours on the phone.
“But is all that enough?”
“Where is this coming from?” Mónica asked.
It was just Sergio, Kara, and Mónica today. Sergio and Kara had been dominating the conversation while trying to figure out which servers were the ones who added extra whipped cream when they asked for it. However, I had had days now to worry about the texts with Santos. The whole thing about hobbies. I had mostly gotten over trying to take over and fix everything for him, but I was not getting over the worry that maybe his therapist would tell me the same thing.
Did people even have proper hobbies like they did on TV, or was that another lie to idealize what adulting looked like?
Because it was Mónica asking, however, I couldn’t just ask that question out loud. Mommy Dommes—even if they didn’t actually use the Mommy title—were some of the worst at letting go of something. I knew it was only a matter of time before they all folded Santos into the group the same way they had done with me, and the same way they were doing with everyone who had become part of a dynamic with one of them. That meant she couldn’t be getting ideas about my self-esteem, or insecurities, or anything else she’d then think she needed to share with him.
It was a work in progress, and I felt like I was failing more than half of the time, but dammit, Santos should be focusing on his therapy appointments, and his…life.
The only problem was that I was still a terrible liar, and Sergio was here. Mónica might realize I was lying, but she wouldn’t push for the truth. Sergio absolutely would, and the only thing that would make my spiraling worse was if random people overheard any of it because volume control wasn’t really anyone’s forte at this table.
“Just something Santos said.” I cleared my throat. “About finding hobbies for himself.”
It seemed important to clarify that he hadn’t been saying anything about my life and my own lack—or not?—of hobbies.
“Great, now I’m going to be freaking out because I don’t know what my hobbies are, either,” Sergio grumbled while grabbing his phone. “Abel is going to be pissed, just saying. You owe me so many milkshakes.”
“Uh, that’s fine.”
Not that I thought Abel was actually going to be pissed or feel anything other than nauseatingly fond of Sergio. I could pay for milkshakes, though. I actually did, more than half of the time. When Sergio didn’t manage to cover the bill while I was in the bathroom or distracted by talking with someone else. He valued his independence more than people assumed by looking at him and how he clung to his Daddy the second he was within reach.
I kind of did the same with Santos, so I got it. No judgment.
I still wished he’d let me use the money on a more permanent basis.
“You have hobbies, little one.” Mónica shook her head before she started counting them on her left hand. “Tentacles and monster dildos. Drawing outside of your job. Going to the beach. Artisan markets. Glitter.”
“Is glitter a hobby?” Kara pursed her lips. “I think that’s taking it a step too far, Ma’am. Respectfully.”
“It is when you’re him.”
“He’s right here,” Sergio pouted, “and I don’t think that’s fair, Ma’am. I’ll get back on everything else another day.”
“Uh, guys?” I grimaced. “Can we focus on me today, please?”
Mónica gave me a sympathetic look I didn’t want to read into. “You’re into fashion and makeup and everything else Sergio and Kara mentioned. And, most importantly, you have the means to explore and easy access to every other hobby out there you want to try.”
“I don’t think I want to try anything,” I mumbled, “but isn’t that bad?”
