Page 103 of Hard Justice
His ma looked like she didn’t know what to say to that.
“Quinn was answerin’ all of my questions about his time with the SAS. My big brother is a hero.” Paige filled her mother in on some of the stories Quinn had shared.
But it was clear to Quinn that his mother wasn’t really listening. She seemed agitated, uneasy, her gaze moving over Quinn.
She cut Paige off mid-sentence. “It broke my heart to leave you.”
Sweet sufferin’ shite!
“Ma, I dinnae want to hear it. You—”
“I loved you, but you scared me. You’d come hame and talk aboot the boys in the gang and the fights you’d been in and whose heid you’d busted and who you wanted tae stab. I wanted peace, and you were all fists.”
Her words opened the door to a dark, wounded place inside him. A surge of rage flowed through him—but ebbed as he saw things from her point of view for the first time.
“Ma, please go now.” Paige stood. “You werenae supposed to be here.”
His mother started to stand, her chin quivering, tears in her eyes. “I’ll go. I only wanted tae see you.”
“It’s okay, Paige. Ma, sit.” He waited until she was settled again. “I did talk tough. You’re right. But it was all shite. Mostly, we got drunk. But I talked like that at home because I wanted Da to quit hittin’ us. I wantedhimto be afraid for once. I never meant to scare you. I tried to protect you from him, so I did.”
She ducked her head again, nodded. “Aye, I remember that. I tried tae stop you because I knew he’d only take it oot on you. You didnae listen.”
“After you left, I was the only person he could hit. That’s when it really got bad.”
Her face crumpled. “I’m so sorry. I’m sorry.”
He heard the apology, some part of him rejecting it. He’d been the child, and she’d been the adult. She ought to have protected him, not left him crying and alone. His tears hadn’t moved her. Why should he feel any sympathy for her now?
“It disnae matter. I got my licks in afore the bastard died. I beat the shite out of him the night I left home. I left him bleedin’, and then I joined the army. I built a new life for myself.”
“Can you forgive me, son?”
Quinn closed his eyes, saw his mother in the doorway, telling him she was leaving him behind. He felt his fourteen-year-old heart break. But that was so long ago.
He opened his eyes. “Aye, Ma. I forgive you.”
His mother closed her eyes, clutched his free hand, relief washing over her face, tears spilling down her cheeks.
When she opened her eyes again, he saw new light shining there, and a weight he hadn’t realized he was carrying lifted from his shoulders.
* * *
“You amaze me, Quinn McManus.”Elizabeth lay beside him, the two of them sweaty and spent, the bliss of orgasm fading into a glow.
“Och, well.” He grinned. “It’s my tongue game, aye?”
She laughed, levered herself up so she could see his face. “I’m not talking about your talent for oral sex—though it’s incredible. I’m talking about what you did today. I’m not sure I’d have had the strength to forgive Margaret if she’d been my mother. Then you invited her to our wedding.”
He frowned. “It wisnae easy.”
He told her how angry he’d gotten when Margaret had described how she’d been afraid of him. “A part of me wanted to shout at her, to tell her to get the fuck out, to remind her that I’d been the child and she’d been the adult. But what she said was true.”
“What do you mean?”
“I came home every night after hangin’ with the other South Bank Boys, my pride held together by pure rage. If I could hammer some bastard or threaten him or even pretend that I had, I wisnae the weak one, the boy who got beaten up at home. I would never have hit her or Paige, but how could she have known that for certain?”
Elizabeth’s throat went tight. “The look on her face when you said you’d forgiven her—she came alive, Quinn. I think leaving you haunted her. What you gave her today was nothing less than redemption.”
“That’s what you’ve given me.” Quinn gave her a sleepy smile. “I’m no’ the man I was, and that’s your doin’. You changed me, Lilibet.”
“You did that yourself. It’s that big heart of yours.” She pressed a kiss to his breastbone, tasted the salt of his skin. “As long as I’ve known you, you’ve let it guide you, even when it got you into trouble. You’ve become the man you were always meant to be. I love you, Quinn. You’re everything to me.”
His eyes were closed now, afterglow cooling into sleep. He had, after all, outdone himself. “I love you, Lilibet, and I always will.”
