Page 96 of Don't Leave Me Behind
“Technically, visiting hours are over, but she’s still in a medically induced coma. They don’t want to try to wake her up yet, so I don’t think it’ll hurt for you to sneak in. At least for a minute. The nurses already know you’re coming.”
“Thank you, Mimi.”
“She talked about staying.” Miya’s bright blue eyes meet mine. “She wanted you more than she wanted to avoid them. I hope that counts for something, Clay.”
I swallow hard, trying to work the emotions back down. “Yeah, Mimi, it does.”
“Do you love her? Like, really love her? Not like before.”
“I do.”
“Good. I know they mean well, and I know she’s pushed them away, but she really does need someone who’s hers. I know Mercer’s your best friend, Clay, but she needs someone who takes her side, someone who thinks of her first.”
“I know,” I whisper, breath wheezing a little as I try to ignore the pain in my side.
“You should get that looked at.” Miya points at my ribs, then my face.
I shrug. “I’ve had worse.”
“I bet.” Whether she’s thinking of my childhood or life on a ranch, I don’t know. I suppose it doesn’t really matter.
“What am I walking into, Mimi?”
We stop outside the door, my palms sweaty, heart racing.
“Hell,” Miya says. “She doesn’t look like Leni. She broke six ribs, broke her pelvis, fractured her spine in two places, snapped her radius, and got her face bashed in. She’s on a vent right now. Her right lung collapsed due to the accident. We don't know what happened, but she wasn’t buckled in when she was hit. The car that hit her spun out on the highway and t-boned her. Paramedics said it looked like she was parked on the side of the road. She has a long way to recovery ahead, Clay.”
“Jesus,” I groan, ripping my hands through my hair.
“Give the family some time. She knew they wouldn’t react well to the news. You’re still one of us.” Miya smiles, her hand resting on my arm. “They need to realize this isn’t on you.”
“Isn’t it?” I pin her with a look that saysbullshit.
“It isn’t. Someday you’ll learn that. They’re not even mad at you, Clay. They’re mad that it happened. Just give it time.”
I nod as a courtesy. It doesn’t matter if they do, not anymore. Leni is my family, and as long as she wants me around, I’m not going anywhere.
Chapter 31
We Forcefully Declined
Clay
Gravity nearly takesme to the floor when I see her. Leni’s lying in the hospital bed, wavy locks splayed out around her head. Half her face is blocked by cords and tubes; so many wires are attached to her body. Her eyes are swollen, soft, creamy skin is darkened with bruises.
The ventilator chimes every time it takes a breath for her.
“Hey, baby.” I take her hand gently, bringing my lips down to press a kiss on her knuckles. I can’t stop the tears, because this is too much. I shouldn’t be holding her like this. We should be tucked into bed at the cabin, snuggled into each other. “It’s me, Leni. It’s Clay. I don’t know if you can hear, but I am so sorry, love. I’m so fucking sorry.” I drop my head to the bed near her shoulder and lose it completely.
When the tears are all dried up, I scrub my face on the scratchy blanket and turn back to Leni. She looks so serene, so peaceful. I don’t know what she’ll hear or remember, but I need to get this off my chest.
“I can’t believe I wasted so much time with you. You havealways been it for me. Did you know that? I fell in love with you a little more with every letter you sent, and then, that summer, I knew I’d never love anyone the way that I loved you.”
Sitting forward, I swipe her bangs off to the side, wishing she were awake. Wishing she could tell me that everything is going to be okay. I need to hear her voice. I need some kind of sign of life in order to take a full breath in.
I need her.
“I think about that last night all the time, Leni. Do you remember it? The first time we kissed? I’d been at war with myself all day, wondering what to do about you. Part of me wanted to ask you out, part of me knew it was a bad idea. That we couldn’t go there. I was scared things would blow up between us, and I’d lose my family. But I was more scared that I was losing myself and that I’d take you down with me.”
