Page 80 of Don't Leave Me Behind
Ethan’s body freezes; the only motion visible is the muscle in his jaw that feathers, slowly. His eyes flash to mine, nostrils flaring as he takes a deep breath.
“She said she never found you.”
“I know,” I sigh. “I didn’t know she never told you guys.”
“You never told us.” He jabs a finger at my chest, right into my vest.
“I thought you knew! I thought she told you.”
Ethan turns his back on me, one hand resting on his hip as the other messes up his perfectly styled hair.
“You sent her away? You let her leave and get on a bus in the middle of the night?”
“No…I, yes. I didn’t send her, but I couldn’t stop her either. I passed out and ended up in the hospital because the hotel staff didn’t know what else to do with me. But yes, I’m the reason she was out there.”
His fingers flex in and out as his foot taps out a rapid beat. “She was mugged because of you.”
The words slip under my skin, hitting a little too close to home. They don’t know it wasn’t a mugging; they don’t know how much trauma I’m to blame for.
“Yes,” I manage to grit out. All of that guilt and anger surging back into me.
“I need to sit with this.” Ethan storms off, leaving me with my heart hammering in my chest. My breath ragged, painful.
I get back into my truck, white-knuckling the steering wheel as I think about how much I’m responsible for. All the things I put her through. My vision starts to tunnel, and all I can think is that this is going to blow up in my face. The lies of omission are piling up, eating me alive from the inside out.
I don’t remember grabbing my phone, don’t rememberdialing her number, or listening to it ring. The only thing I’m fully aware of is the intake of oxygen the moment her voice hits my ear.
“Hey, Cowboy,” she chirps, her warm sunshine-soaked voice washing over me.
“Hey,” I choke out the word, my voice strained.
“Clay.” Her tone changes instantly, fixer Leni on the line now. I never wanted this for her. I never wanted her to have to deal with this.
“I was supposed to be better.”
“I know,” she answers quietly. “So was I.”
I blow out a breath, trying to get my shit together, trying not to tell her that not one but two of her brothers are now much more aware of the past than they were three days ago. A heaviness sits on my chest like a bad omen. A warning of how close I am to losing everything. “I can’t shake this feeling, that everything is going to fall apart. There’s too many lies, too many secrets.”
Silence on her end of the line has me gripping the steering wheel even harder. The vinyl creaks in protest.
“You want to tell them I’m here.”
“I want to tell them you’re mine,” I bite back. Ideally, she’d tell them everything, but starting with her being here. Not having to hide that she’s here, with me, would be everything.
“Clay…” Her voice drops low, a warning.
“I can’t—I can’t go back. There is no future for me without you.” She sucks in a deep breath, releasing it with a puff of air before she replies.
“Hear me, when I say this one time, and one time only, Clayton Traeger...I need you to be the one person who takes me at my word. I need you to trust that I know what I need, that I know what is best for me. I need you to believe me. To wait until I say I’m ready. Please.” Her voice breaks at the end,desperation bleeding through her tone, and I know this is a make-or-break moment. If I can’t meet her here, if I can’t give her this, she won’t wait around for me to figure it out.
“Okay,” I whisper, air returning to my lungs in a natural rhythm. “I’m not trying to pressure you. I just?—”
“I know. I know I’m not being fair to you, asking you to keep this secret, to keep all of my secrets. I need more time. You’re healing parts of me that I thought would never be whole again. I need you on my side.”
“Always. I will always be on your side.”
“Then stop second-guessing everything. Stop looking for reasons why this won’t work.”
