Page 28 of Don't Leave Me Behind
“Okay,” I breathe, hoping I don’t crack like an egg and spill everything.
Twisting at the waist, Mercer’s saddle creaks while his weight adjusts. He tips his head off to one side, one eyebrow disappearing beneath the brim of his cowboy hat. From the moment we met, we were best friends. He’s the reason I moved into the Kane household and was given the chance of a better life. I owe him everything, and the best I can repay him with is some fucking trauma and lies.
“It’s gonna be like that then, huh?” He tucks his tongue between his back teeth, leg bouncing twice in the stirrups before he squeezes Calypso and rides off.
Fuck.
I lift my reins out to my left, leaning forward in the saddle to push Mako toward Mercer. He follows, chomping at the bit to do some running. He loves the roping pen and a good cattle drive. Even when he’s out in the field, he’s always working. We happen to have that in common.
“I’ve had a couple of panic attacks since being back.” I offer the most truth that I comfortably can, without betrayingLeni’s confidence.
“Shit, how bad were they? Is that why you were late Thursday morning? Were you lying in that cabin unconscious? Because I swear to God, Clay?—”
“No, I wasn’t unconscious in the cabin. I really did sleep through my alarms.”
“Damnit, youareseeing someone, aren’t you?”
“Also, no.” I narrow my eyes, flicking my wrist over the saddle horn. I give Mako his head, and he’s off like a fucking bullet. The wind is nearly ripping my hat away as we tear across the grassy pasture.
Mercer curses behind me, shouting obscenities at Calypso, who was perfectly content to walk wherever we were headed for the day. I lean forward, moving my hands up Mako’s soft neck, giving him permission to move however he’d like. As long as we’re headed to what Pa calls the sevens. The Kanes rotate their herd through the ranch’s pastures, letting the land regenerate stronger between grazings. The fields are laid out in a grid formation, so it’s easier to know where to move them to.
The sevens make up the grids numbered through the seventies, and some of my favorite spots on the ranch are here. Our biggest challenge is that a large portion of this grid borders the highway. In a perfect world, that wouldn’t be an issue, but it isn’t. Our fences are constantly being torn down by drunk drivers or kids who shouldn’t be out so late. We’ve even had a few run-ins with cow tipping. They sure don’t like to get caught, not when Sheriff Mercer puts ‘em to work landscaping his yard as community service.
Mako is huffing by the time we reach the cattle guard between the grazing field and the open land. Mercer and Calypso follow behind, slowly but surely. I lean down to open the pass-through gate and stand waiting for Mercer. Calypso steps into the pasture looking like he’s ready to croak. Whitefoamy sweat froths from beneath the saddle pad, his body heaving as if he can’t get enough air.
“Goddamn, he’s out of shape,” Mercer whines, reaching to pet Calypso’s neck, then thinks better of it.
“Nah, Mako’s just that fast.”
Mercer’s face contorts, like he might want to disagree with that statement, but he knows it’s true. “So,” he huffs, putting his hands on his low back, stretching his torso backward. As sheriff, he doesn’t have enough extra time to be in the saddle. He and Ethan are gonna be hurting tomorrow. “What’re we doing about the panic attacks then?”
Sleeping next to your sister.My brain unhelpfully supplies.Daydreaming about her tits.My dick adds its own commentary.Fuck.I need her to woman up and tell her family she’s here. This is torture.
“Woo-woo breathing exercises,” I lie. Because that’s what I do now. I’m a pathetic liar. Might as well sit here and set my goddamn pants on fire.
“And those work?”
“Sometimes.” At least that’s a truthful answer.
“Huh...too bad you can’t call Leni up and have her sneak into your bed.”
My mouth drops wide open. Mako rips the reins straight from my hands and lunges forward to get a drink from the stream.
Mercer cackles, sliding out of his saddle as he leads Calypso closer to the water. Calypso’s a good horse, but he’s never been a fan of the water. Brooks tried to train it out of him, but Leni took a lunge whip to his ass when she didn’t like his trainings. Brooks never touched Calypso again.
“Did you think we didn’t know?” Mercer’s green eyes glint with mischief when he looks at me. “Why do you think I push so hard for you two? You haven’t slept well since that summeryou spent sleeping in her bed, like she’s some kind of comfort item. Shouldn’t that tell you something?”
“Give it a rest, Merc. Your sister deserves to find her perfect someone.”
“She does, and she has,” he grunts, swinging himself back up into the saddle.
I cock my head, giving him a scowl. I look down at my reins tethering Mako to the ground. Mercer winks, moving Calypso toward the fence line. “Bastard!” I call after him. Jumping to the ground, I snatch my reins, then snap a picture of Mercer riding away from me on Calypso. I think about sending it to Leni, but I bet she’s still sleeping. Bet she doesn’t want to hear from me. She hasn’t even given me her number again. The only reason I have it is because she’s in the family group chat.
There used to be a sibling chat too, but when it was clear Leni and I weren’t responding to any joint messages, the boys moved everything over to the bros chat. Ma refused to accept it, so on occasion, we text in the family group chat. All of us but Leni.
“I’m just saying,” Mercer picks up the conversation, like I wasn’t two minutes behind him. “I don’t get why you guys can’t be with each other.”
“She really never told you?” I’m still trying to reconcile the idea that she lied. That they aren’t as close as they used to be.
