Page 21 of Don't Leave Me Behind
She stifles a laugh, biting into her lower lip, drawing my eyes down to her mouth.Fuck,that kiss. I can’t get it out of my head. I’ve kissed a lot of women since leaving the ranch at eighteen, but nothing ever came close to the way Leni kissed me.
The way she tastes. The way she feels in my arms. Leni was my home, and I’m starting to wonder if I’m in a losing battle trying to keep my distance.
“Clay?” Leni breathes my name, making me realize that I’ve drifted closer toward her. Too close.
She’s leaning up against the counter, big green eyes looking up at me. I lean down, placing both hands on the counter on either side of her hips. I want to run my nose up the length of her neck, breathe her in, maybe press a kiss to her pulse point. Taste her skin. I don’t do any of those things. Instead, I stand there, staring into her eyes, breathing in the air that she breathes out.
I shouldn’t be here, staying in her cabin or standing in her space. I spent years trying not to think about her. Trying to convince myself that I don’t want her.
Looking down at her, being this close to her, I can’t help but think that if anyone is worth total annihilation, it’s Leni Kane.
Her eyes dart back and forth between mine, like she’s trying to read me, to figure out what it is that I want. Good luck, sweetheart. I’m not sure what it is that I want right now.
I lean further, attempting to close the distance between us when she stiffens. Her body tips away from me.Fuck.
I move back, running my fingers through my hair. I want to tell her she doesn’t have to be afraid of me, but what I blurt out is the question I haven’t been able to shake since last night. “Why don’t you want your family to know you’re home?”
“Because I don’t,” she snaps, defiance shimmering in her eyes.
“They’d be thrilled. You should see the way they talk about how much they miss you. They want you home.”
“What they want is to micromanage my life,” she spits, eyes narrowing.
“What the fuck happened?” I haven’t seen the whole Kane family together since that summer before her senior year. It certainly was never like this. The way the boys talk about missing her, I never would have assumed she was staying away on purpose.
“What do you care?” She moves toward the stairs, hard eyes staring back at me, challenging me to answer.
“I care,” my voice dips low, a bit of my father’s temper rising to the surface. “I never stopped caring.”
“Could’ve fooled me, Traeger.”
I want to throw up, my stomach rioting as I watch her ascend the stairs. Little pieces of my heart going with her.
Is that what she thinks of me? That I didn’t care? If I didn’t care, I would have let her stay. I would have let her ruin her life as she tried to piece me back together. I don’t know how to fix this. I don’t need things to change with us. She can hate me for the rest of our lives if she wants to, but this rift between her and the family?
That needs fixing.
And I’m going to be the one to fix it.
Chapter 7
You Could Call Me Baby Again
Leni
I don’t knowwhat I’m doing.
I don’t know what I’m doing.
I don’t know what I’m doing.
I keep repeating the phrase over and over in my head while I take the world’s hottest shower. I think Clay was going to kiss me down there. There’s a part of me that wanted him to. The other part of me could feel the icy fingers of panic starting to grab hold. Logically, I know Clay would rather pluck his own eyes out than hurt me, but logic doesn’t always win in the moment, does it? The way he had me backed up against the counter, cornered…
I don’t like feeling like I’m trapped. Like I can’t get out. Every single relationship I’ve had in my adult life has been with men who are soft. Less athletic, more bookish. The ones who prefer manicures to working with their hands. The ones who I could defend myself against if I had to.
When my skin is red and hot to the touch, I finally get out of the shower. I’m not sure how long I've been in there, but I’m impressed with my little water heater. What a good investment.
Avoiding the elephant in the room, I plant myself on the floor, looking through nail polish colors. Maybe if I act like he’s not here, he’ll take the hint and go…anywhere but where I have to look at him. Because right now, I’m not sure I could look at him without either cringing, crying, or jumping his bones.
