Page 105 of Don't Leave Me Behind
Clay
Once Leni settlesafter the nightmare, I help her shower, getting her cleaned up and ready for battle as she says.
Family dinner can be intense on a good day and tonight seems like it might not be a good night. I’ve never felt more like a stranger in this house than I did this morning. It’s weird, being here and feeling like I don’t belong. This place was the first place I ever felt wanted. The first place I ever felt safe enough to let my guard down.
Tonight, it feels like I am going into battle. Probably the most important one I’ll ever face, considering my entire future is sitting in that wheelchair. Brown wavy hair pulled up into a messy bun, soft curves interrupted by the casts and braces.
“I love you,” I breathe into her, dipping down at the waist to kiss her lips. “No matter what, I’m here for you. I’m on your side.”
“I know,” she whispers, pulling me closer and kissing me deeper. “I love you too, Clayton Sue Traeger.”
I groan at the nickname. Shaking my head, I move around to the back of her chair. “You ready, love?”
“No,” she whines, slumping into her seat, before quickly jolting out of the position. “Ow, remind me not to do that again.”
“You okay?” I lean around her, assessing her, ensuring she doesn’t sugarcoat her answer.
“Yeah, my ribs aren’t quite ready for slouching yet.” I help her settle into the chair more comfortably, trying to ease some of the tension I can feel that’s built up.
“Alright, baby, here goes nothing.” I press one last kiss to her temple, before we head into the lion’s den.
Dinner starts out with quiet conversations. Two or three people chatting together, Ethan and Mercer avoiding my gaze at all cost. Making it clear I’m not welcome here tonight. Brooks has his hands full with Tessa. Pepper steps in where she can, grabbing things Tessa throws on the floor. She’s giggling when Pepper slams them back onto her tray in a dramatic fashion. That quiet little baby I met at the hospital is so different around the two of them now.
Adler and Toby are more concerned with forming a poker strategy for next month’s game than they are with anything drama related. Ma and Pa oscillate between mooning over Tessa and Leni, like they can’t decide who they’re more excited to have at their table.
Half way through, I can tell Leni is getting tired. Today is the most she’s sat in the three weeks since the accident. It’s wearing on her and I wish I could clear the place out, take her to bed, and let her rest, knowing that she needs it. She wouldn’t want me to do that, so I move myself closer, positioning my body so she can lean on me. Her body sags into me, a breath blowing out when I take some of the weight for her. Her head tips up, as much as it can in the neck brace, with a small smile on her lips.
“Thank you,” she whispers. I lean down and peck her cheek, moving those cute little bangs off her face again.
“Gross.” Adler screws up his face, then winks at us.
“Can we get this over with?” Ethan finally turns to me, with much less animosity in his eyes than I expected.
Leni sighs, trying to sit up again, but I hold her to me. “Let me hold you, baby,” I whisper into her ear. “You tell them what you’re feeling. I got you.”
She nods into my shoulder, her hand reaching down to find mine, our fingers interlacing. “Fine.” Her head tips into me, leaning to the left so she can look Ethan in the eyes. “Where do you want to start?”
“Why were you hiding in the cabin?” He taps his fingers on the table, leaning forward.
“The school cut my program, so I lost my job. Edna’s son sold her house and moved her to a nursing home, so I lost that, too.”
“Why didn’t you tell us you were home, though?” Toby tips his head to the side, hurt flashing in his eyes. I catch Ma glance over at Pa, squeezing his hand once, while everyone else keeps their eyes trained toward Leni. Towards us.
“Because I know how you guys are,” she sighs. “I knew it was going to be a big deal. I didn’t want to deal with all the lectures.”
“We’re not that bad,” Mercer groans.
“Ehh,” Adler chimes in, scrunching his nose. “You kind of are.”
“Shut up, Adler!” Ethan snaps. “Leni, we would have helped you. You don’t have to do everything on your own.”
“I know.” She sinks deeper into me. Her head moves to look across the table at Mercer. “But at some point, it became less about helping me and more about you guys deciding you knewbest. Even when you didn’t have all the information, you still tried making decisions for me.”
“We worried.” Ethan shakes his head, still digging into the idea that they’re not to blame for any of it. “We’re allowed to worry.”
“Yes, you can worry. Of course, you can worry,” Leni sighs. “You don’t get to decide that what I’m doing is wrong.”
“When did we ever do that?” Mercer sits straighter.
