Page 34 of Don't Leave Me Behind
Robbing a Bank?
Leni
The trek upto the main house was incredibly uneventful. I didn’t even need to crouch as much as I did. I wait at the side door, listening for the telltale signs of my mom in the kitchen.
Once I know she’s not inside, I slip in through the door, the scent of home immediately knocking the wind out of me. I barely make it to the kitchen island before I stop, fingers gripping the back of one of the bar top chairs. Nothing has changed. Warm, hardwood beams and rustic furniture welcome me. Creamy, off-white cabinets with dark iron accents give off an industrial farmhouse vibe.
I can’t recall how many meals I’ve eaten at this kitchen island, how many family dinners we’ve all sat around the big oak table Grandpa Kane built. It never seems to matter how often I make it back; every time I’m here, the memories creep back in.
Turning toward the living room, I can’t help but smile. We used to sit on the floor, in front of Pa’s chair, listening to him tell wild stories. Some made up, others about the ranch. About howKane Ridge came to be. My personal favorites were the ones he told about him and Ma. How she played hard to get, and how it was love at first sight for him.
I used to pretend that that’s what happened with me and Clay. From the first moment he walked in the door with Mercer, I was smitten with him. Of course, I was the annoying kid sister back then. Fifteen felt so old, so far away. Looking back now, it’s funny, thinking he was so unreachable back then. Little Leni would be absolutely horrified by the way things shook out.
Moving into the living room, I run my fingers along the back of the leather couch. Warmth and longing flood my chest. I loved growing up here, out on the ranch. Most summers, Miya would come stay with me, at least twice a week. We ran as wild as the boys did, causing mayhem, stirring up trouble.
I look around the room, and all those happy childhood memories disappear under the more recent ones. Memories where one or more of my brothers and I got into a screaming match because our opinions differed. I could see Ma biting her tongue, too afraid to speak her mind because our relationship was tenuous at best, like on Christmas two years ago. The one time I brought home a boyfriend I actually liked.
“Really, Leni?”Mercer hisses in my ear at the island. “This guy?”
“What?” I look across the living room where Aspen is sitting next to the fireplace, talking to Brooks. I begged him not to come, but he wouldn’t hear of it. He insisted on meeting my family, even though I haven’t met his yet. I wondered if he was regretting it. After all, Ethan manhandled him out of the cabin, escorting him into the main house. When I snuck into the guestroom to see him, he told me to leave, his face white as a fucking sheet.
“This guy cannot be serious about you,” Mercer continues. “He hasn’t even held your hand or given you a hug.”
“Because Ethan threatened him with bodily harm after dragging him out of my cabin.” I feel my eyes widen, nostrils flaring wide.
Toby snorts, approaching my other side. “Yeah, I’m with both of them, Leni. This dude is not it.”
“There is nothing wrong with him.” I throw my hands up, aggravation boiling inside of me.
“There’s nothing right about him either.” Adler reaches over my shoulder, grabbing a cracker off the charcuterie board.
“What do you know? You’re barely an adult.”
“I’m twenty.” He puffs his chest out, like that makes much of a difference. Twenty years old, and he’s never spent any significant time off this ranch. Nor had to fend for himself or pay his own bills. I roll my eyes.
“He’s a fucking desk jockey,” Mercer sneers.
“And you’re a glorified mall cop,” I bite back.
Toby’s eyes widen, and even Adler takes a step back, shaking his head.
Mercer sucks in a breath, his jaw clenching before he looks toward the dining room, giving Ethan a nod.
I watch, in abject horror, as my three older brothers surround my boyfriend. The conversation is over before I can make it back over. When I do make it over to him, Aspen is shaking. He looks like he’s about ready to shit his pants. I reach for him, and he jerks his hand away, like the contact might actually hurt him.
“Sorry, Eleanor, I just…” He looks around at my brothers, all of them towering over him. “I think this was a mistake. I wish you all the best.”
I never sawhim again after that. He blocked my number and left a note on the kitchen island asking me to move out before he came back from his New Year’s vacation with his parents.
That’s how I ended up moving into an upstairs bedroom with my elderly landlord. I don’t think they knew I was living with him, not that it would have mattered. They probably would have still run him off, then come back to Benson with me to pack my shit and force me to move back here.
Every single time I’ve left to go back to my life in Benson, Ethan pulls me aside, fingers digging into my elbow, and gives me the same spiel.“You’ve made your point. Congratulations on not falling on your face. Time to stop throwing a tantrum and come back home.”Every single time he does it, it reinforces the idea that this place is no longer my home or where I want to be.
I sigh, trying not to let myself get swallowed up in the past. It’s meant to stay there for a reason.
Circling back to the kitchen, I find a bag of cookies Ma has hidden in the mixer. She thinks she’s tricky hiding her sweets in the mixing bowl, but we learned at a very young age where to find them. I take the whole bag, unable to resist the little taste of home they’ll offer. Twenty bucks says Adler or Mercer gets blamed for taking it. The thought makes me giggle.
Ma’s laptop is open on the countertop like she set it aside to work on lunch. Wiggling the mouse, I wake up the screen, her retreat website pulled up into a blog post that she’s working on.
