Page 30 of Don't Leave Me Behind
I let out a sob. Pepper doesn’t tell me to stop or demand I tell her what’s wrong. She listens, occasionally telling me that she’s here, that I’m not alone. Tears still stream down my face, shoulders shaking as my breath hiccups out of me.
“I’m so sorry,” I whisper.
“Leni, don’t ever apologize for needing someone. You can call me and cry any time, girl, you know that.”
I do. I have the best friends. I just wish I didn’t need them like this.
“Are you going to be okay? Should I come down there? I can be there in three, four hours max.”
A laugh bursts out of me. It’s a poor imitation of my real laugh, but it’s a laugh all the same. “Pepper, it’s at least a five-hour drive.”
“I’m fast as fuck, boi,” she scoffs.
“You’d get arresteddriving that fast.”
“Nah, I’m too pretty, baby, I’d end up with a sexy escort. Hey, isn’t your brother a cop? The sappy romantic one?”
I gag. “Please, for the love of God, forget I even have brothers.”
Pepper giggles, and my cheeks feel tight and swollen as a smile tugs at my mouth, despite the tears still damp on my skin. “Thank you for calling.”
“Of course,” her voice softens. I can almost see that warm, caring look she uses when speaking about her kindergartners. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“Clay brought up some stuff from the past.”
“Oh.” I hear her sit down. Pepper’s personal signal that she’s ready for the spilling of tea. I never planned on telling her. Most days, I regret telling Miya. I know Pepper’s story of growing up in foster care. So, if anyone can understand this anxiety and bad memories, it’s her.
“That night, when Clay lost it and trashed the room, I left. I didn’t realize until I was off base that my phone fell out of my backpack. I didn’t have enough money or my ID to get a plane ticket either. So, I got on a bus in the middle of the night. It was going to take me three days to get home, but on the second night, I got stuck at the bus stop. The next bus was coming a few hours later, so I sat there and waited. I stayed locked in the bathroom, but had to come out and check occasionally. Since I didn’t have a phone, and there was no clock in there…” I pause, swiping an errant tear, keeping it from tracking down my face. “That last time I went out to check, someone shoved the door into me. He tried,” I choke on my own words, unable to say it out loud. “He didn’t,” I manage to get out. “He didn’t?—”
“But he did hurt you, right?” Her voice is quiet and steady, exactly what I need to focus my breathing on.
“Yeah,” I whimper.
“Oh, Leni, I’m so sorry. You were so young.”
“Yeah.” I rub both my eyes, dropping the phone onto the bed as I try to stem the river of tears gushing down my face. My eyes are going to look horrendous for the next couple of days. “I told my dad that I was mugged. I still haven’t told them what really happened. I was so dumb. I made one stupid decision after another that trip.”
“Leni, you know that wasn’t your fault, right? What he did to you, the way Clay acted that night, none of those things are your fault.”
“I chose to be there, Peps. I left myself vulnerable.”
“No, Leni. That was not your fault. No matter the reason for being where you were, that shit is on him.Hechose to hurt you.Heis the one at fault here.” Her voice is hard, like she’s trying to impress upon me how strongly she believes it wasn’t my fault.
“I shouldn’t have been there. I never should have gone to Clay.”
“Maybe not,” Pepper says, softer, more contemplative and warm. “But maybe you wouldn’t have gone to school then. Maybe you never would have come here and created that program. Maybe some of the problem kids who went through your classes might not have made it to graduation. Maybe you wouldn’t have met me.”
I chuckle, Pepper once again, working her contagious enthusiasm on me.
“You can’t change the past, Leni, but you can decide how you let it shape your future. You can talk about it, heal it.”
“I could…” My phone vibrates in my hand, a smile tugging at my lips when I see Adler’s name. “I’ll try Pepper.”
“Good, I mean, I say that you can, but I still have my own shit I’ve never worked through. So, you do you booboo.”
“God, I love you.”
“I love you too, Leni. Take care of yourself, okay? And callme if you need to talk. Just, you know, at a reasonable hour of the day. I work at a bar, you know.”
