Page 73 of Do It Yourself
My heart is pounding, my stomach flipping like a gymnast, and of course my bladder takes this moment to remind me it’s about to burst. “Fuck, fuck, fuck. I don’t think I can do this.” Tears blur my vision, I close them to keep any from falling and try to calm myself with deep breaths.
“I don’t hear any peeing in there!” Elle’s voice makes me jump. I can hear Lola’s voice but can’t make out the words.
“Alright, hold your horses. I’m doing it.”
Positive.
No, I can’t be pregnant.
I can’t go through this all over again.
I can’t do this. I can’t.
“That’s it, we’re coming in!” Elle’s voice breaks through my anxiety spiral but the words don’t sink in. Tears are flowing freely, I’m sitting on the floor with my knees pulled to my chest. My arms wrapped around my legs is the only thing holding me together. The plastic of the test is cutting into my palm, I’m holding onto it so tightly.
“Oh, shit. Elle, call Jude.”
Warmth presses against my side. “Hey, Mabel, it’s okay. Whatever it says, it’s going to be okay.” Lola whispers in my ear, soothing sounds that I refuse to listen to.
I can’t do this again.
I can’t.
“Can’t do what again, sissy?”
I didn’t think I said it outloud but, fuck, I can’t tell them. I can’t talk about it. I can’t do this. I shake my head, close my eyes and hide my face with my arms and hair. “Shhh, it’s okay. Jude’s on his way.” I don’t react to her words but a small flicker of calm washes over me.
Lola stays by my side, rubbing my back and occasionally whispering reassurance. I don’t know how much time passes before noise from outside of the bathroom pulls me out of my head.
“I don’t care what’s going on. I need to see her. Where is she?”
Chapter Sixty-One
JUDE
I’m getting frustrated.
Paul’s been avoiding Mabel and it’s been eating away at her. I hate seeing her like this but I don’t know what to do. He hasn’t come to family dinners, keeps cancelling or rescheduling their meet-ups. Outside of driving to his house and sitting on his porch until he meets up with Mabel, I don’t know what to do.
There’s no way that would go over with anyone.
We talked and finally came to the conclusion that Mabel joined up with her sisters and see if they could help her come up with a plan.
“Hey, boss man. You’re making us look bad.” Reese’s voice is teasing, he comes up on my side and grabs my shoulder. “I told you not to call me that.” I can’t deny I’m working a little harder than normal. Mabel told me that she was getting together with her sisters, so I needed a distraction.
I’m reloading crates with jars of honey, planning to reload Mabel’s workshop so she doesn’t have to. Most employees have called it quits for the day, having dinner or heading home. I didn’t feel like stewing in the Bunk House, so I’m working until I’m ready to fall asleep.
“What are you doing out here, kid?” I turn towards Reese, slapping my hands to get the dust off.
“Kid? You’re like a year older than me.”
“Answer the question.”
Reese lets out a reluctant sigh, grabbing the back of his neck. “Zeke’s been in a mood. Got sick of listening to him.” I curse. Zeke is such a problem, I need to get with Lola and get something together so we can let him go.
I don’t think we can keep to our original plan of waiting until it gets slower before we get rid of him. My phone starts to vibrate in my pocket, I put a finger up to Reese asking for a moment to see who’s reaching out.
Elle?
