Page 17 of Do It Yourself
Paul
I’m texting Nik. It’s her half-day at work.
Me
No, it’s okay.
Paul
I’m texting her unless you tell me what’s wrong.
Damn him. Why can’t he just let sleeping dogs lie?
Me
‘Maybe’ came out for a visit. I’m just upset with myself.
Paul
Damnit.
Me
Yeah. Can I just hide out on your side of the house alone?
Paul
Of course you can. One slip doesn’t change you.
My heart squeezes at his last text but I don’t respond. I stuff my phone in my bag and make my way to Paul’s front door.
I hustle to his front room and curl up on his sectional, wrapping myself up with the blanket that was draped over the back. I’ve calmed down enough to know that my reaction was over the top.
Jude doesn’t deserve that.
It’s completely inappropriate to do something like that with anyone but with the complicated feelings I have for Jude, it’s extra twisted.
My hand ghosts over my stomach, applying the slightest bit of pressure as I try to ground myself.
One bad moment does not make me a bad person.
It definitely feels like a lie but I keep repeating it in my head, over and over until my heart slows down and my eyes drift closed.
A joyful scream jolts me awake.
A screech of, “Aunt Mabs!” is my only warning before my sweet-but-heavy nephew launches himself on top of me. “Hey buddy.” I rasp out. I’m amazed I can speak because I’m one thousand percent sure Henry just forced all of the air out of my lungs.
“Henry, what are you doi—Oh my gosh, Mabel! I’m so sorry!” Anika’s round face pokes over the back of the couch before she scoops Henry up in her arms.
“Paul told me you might be over but I didn’t know you’d be laying down.” She seems so flustered, continuing to ramble about their house rules and how they’ve been putting in new boundaries about Henry visiting the other parent’s side of the house when it’s not their agreed upon time with Henry.
I truly do not understand how Paul and Anika handle co-parenting in the same home while almost never sharing the same space. I tried to question Paul about it once but he quickly shut me down, telling me it wasn’t my situation to understand and for now it was what worked for them.
“Anyway, I’m about to make Henry his afternoon snack, do you want something? A drink, maybe?” I nod and sit up, Henry jumps off my body and lets out a loud whoop before running around the couch and, I’m assuming, heading over towards Anika’s half of the home.
“Snack with Mommy and Aunt Mabs!”
I push my body off Paul’s couch and give Anika a small smile as she follows after her son, I trail a few steps behind her.
