Page 18 of Do It Yourself
Paul bought this duplex four years ago when Anika was pregnant with Henry and spent months working on it to open it up so Henry would have access to both his parents all the time while also giving them each their own space. I haven’t spent much, really any, time on Anika’s side of the house and I’m surprised how similarly decorated Paul’s side is to hers.
“Do you want apple or orange slices?”
“Apple nachos!” Henry answers.
“How about apple slices with peanut butter?”
“Yes!”
feel a pang in my chest at the interaction, a yearning I choose to ignore.
“Can I help?”
Anika smiles at my question, handing me a jar of peanut butter. “If you feel so inclined, you can put a little bit of peanutbutter in a bowl.” I nod and get to work helping Anika prepare Henry’s afternoon snack.
The afternoon passes quickly and I finally feel like I’m able to breathe. Being around Henry’s joyful outlook and settling in the nostalgic friendship with Anika soothes my soul.
Once he finishes his snack, Henry asks Anika if he could go color in his room which leaves Anika and me alone. I insist on making dinner for everyone as a thanks for letting me squat at their house. Anika is sitting behind me at the table as I work on an alfredo sauce for pasta. Apparently, Henry only eats fruits and noodles .
“I’ve missed spending time with you.”
Anika’s confession comes out quiet and I almost convince myself I misheard.
“I’ve missed spending time with you too.” I keep my back to her, assuming the indirect eye contact is what’s making it easier for Anika to speak freely. I’m hoping this will prompt her to share whatever it was that happened between her and my brother.
They were so close when we were younger. Paul definitely dated around as a teen, we always teased him that he had more girlfriends and boyfriends than the rest of us combined but Anika always came first and as soon as someone complained about the time they spent together, they were gone.
“Maybe we could make this a more frequent thing? I’ve had fun tonight.” Offering to make future plans seems a lot easier than talking about the past but a watery exhale is her only response.
“Paul should be home soon. I should go and get Henry cleaned up before dinner.” I watch Anika’s retreating form and curse myself.
Another thing I’ve somehow fucked up.
Chapter Twelve
JUDE
Idon’t know what I was thinking putting my hands on Mabel like that but, god, did it feel good. I didn’t want to take my hands off of her and that was a clear enough sign I needed to get the hell out of her workshop.
The palms of my hands felt like they had been burned as I stormed out. I can’t stop clenching and unclenching as I make my way to the apple orchard. I can see the trees getting closer when my phone starts to buzz in my pocket.
I’m grateful for the distraction for the two seconds it takes me to see that it’s my mother calling. I don’t have the nerve to speak with her but I know my mother and she will continue to call and text unless I answer.
I snort up a lungful of air to help fortify my nerves. “Hey, mom. I’m in the middle of a collection, what’s up?” I can hear my younger siblings in the background, my mother letting out a loud sigh that I’m pretty sure nearly burst my ear drum.
“Jude. Leeson wants you to come home for the Fourth.” Fuck. I knew this was coming but had hoped Leeson would decide he didn’t want his dirty step-son at his get together with all his church-y folks.
“Yeah, I don’t know. It gets busy on the farm.”
“Oh Jude, your father,” STEP-father, “would just love to have you back home.” Now that’s a lie if I ever heard one but my mom’s convinced that Leeson’s insistence of me being around is because he loves having a blended family but that’s a bigger pile of shit than the box of puppies I found today.
“I’ll have to check and see. You know it’s not been easy for me to get away with this new position.” Lie. The Warrens would happily give me any time off I requested, I never take time off but I don’t want to be around Leeson and my mother if I can help it. The only thing that could change my mind would be my younger siblings but I already have plans to see them this weekend.
“Oh, I’m sure those Warrens can handle a day or two without you.” Her tone takes on a slight whine that sets my nerves on fire. It’s classic Ruth Jensen ‘guilt tripping you but never say it’s a guilt trip because that will cause another hissy fit type of conversation’ tone. I hate it.
I hate that she’s changed so much since meeting Leeson. Before Leeson, my mother would be happy that I was happy where I was, only insisting to see me on birthdays andmaybeChristmas but Leeson can’t have that.
He’s all about the image of himself and his family. Absent older son that he so graciously decided wasn’t too much baggage for the woman he ‘loved’. No, Leeson wanted me around anytime he hosted his friends. His need to always put on the farce of a perfect blended family was pure narcissism.
