Page 38 of Queen Of Diamonds
“I meant I wouldn’t let you walk around like a billboard seeking to be fucked.”
“Maybe dressing like this makes me feel pretty.” I shrugged and looked away.
“Don’t,” he said, sharp enough to regain my attention. “You’re not that woman.”
I wanted to ask how he knew what type of woman I was instead, I sipped down the rest of my drink.
“You’re right. I was supposed to be getting fucked, but you wanted to come here instead.”
“Were the multiple rounds earlier not enough?” he asked, suddenly right in front of me. My eyes drifted up to his and my breath caught. Had he smelled this good all night? And why the hell did he look so, so good right now? It was late. His golden skin and tiger eyes looked even more enticing beneath the dark club lights.
Every time I looked at him lately a feeling of confliction restricted around my neck like a noose.
What if I didn’t use him as my in for finding Eva? What if I told my grandmother to fuck off? What if I just let this be whatever it was going to be? Did that make me selfish?
It was his presence that made my mind seem to shut up. He stood in front of the door inside my head that led to a room full of darkness, and kept it closed.
We were such an unconventional couple. I knew he was a killer, but I couldn’t help the way I felt about him. I knew I should stop this from going any further. I was too close. I was falling for a man who sold the poison that killed my sister. He was a complicated evil.
Reaching up, I smoothed a hand over his face, studying it for a millionth time.
I wasn’t allowed to love him, but I still imagined I could. I found myself wondering, what if it happened the other way around?
How immoral would I have to be for a kingpin to fall in love with me?
With a slight shake of my head I slowly dropped my hand to rest on his chest. That way of thinking wouldn’t do me any good. The habits of my heart were going to tear me apart. I needed to be readying a parachute because there was no doubt in my mind this was going to go up in flames. I felt it in my gut.
All I needed to ask myself was one question.
Did I wait until the very end to jump or did I come clean with the truth and burn the bridge myself?
“What are you thinking?” he asked, trailing a finger down the side of my face, pulling me out of my melancholy reverie.
I’m not who you think I am. I’m a liar, a user, and the idea of loving you makes me sick inside.The truth was weighing down on my lungs ready to spring from my mouth.
I couldn’t. I was a coward–keeping my skeletons buried away. The same reason I had hesitated so long to search for Eva. I was terrified of the unknown.
I was terrified of his world. It had tried and failed to take my life once already. The scars on my wrists were a botched job to make it look like I wanted to kill myself.
Someone had been looking for Eva and found me instead. I didn’t know who ultimately saved me, but I was grateful.
“Come with me,” Mateo coaxed when I didn’t respond, taking my hand.
We entered a lavishly appointed suite with a secluded bedroom. I didn’t feel any jittery nervousness now that we were alone, only an uncomfortable sensation between my thighs.
“I’ve never actually been to Vice City before,” I admitted partially to distract myself, looking out the window at the lit up skyscrapers. Mateo slid his hands around my waist, coming up behind me.
“So what’s it feel like?”
“What does what feel like?”
“That.” I nodded my head so I could keep my hands intertwined around my waist with his. “That’s all yours.”
He was quiet so long I didn’t think he was going to answer me.
“I see past, present, and future years of blood being spilled, drugs being imported, and women selling themselves in the shadows of luxury and exuberant wealth.
I see my family’s and friends’ families losses and dedication to make Vice City everything people flock to it for.”
