Page 2 of Deviants
There was a pitch-black hole in place of what should have been my heavy, dirty soul. I felt the darkness seeping down to my very core.
I held up my end of the bargain, but he didn’t do the same with his. He walked away and took part of me with him. I was gradually coming undone, falling into a tediously slow tailspin down the rabbit hole.
I had these murderous cravings and an undeniable need to sate them. It had been over one week since I’d spilled blood, and I was jonesing for a kill.
If I were to look at my reflection in my mirror of broken glass, I would see that the animal inside of me was closer than ever to being free.
On the outside, I looked the same—I was alive, my body breathed, and my heart still beat—but inside my head, demons sang softy, telling me it was time to face who I really was.
Oh, there were still times I doubted myself and struggled to reason with all the voices of logic telling me not to give in to the debased maniac that had woken from a long twenty-three-year slumber.
Suffice it to say, I wasn’t quite so lost these days. I was more like a rabid caterpillar fighting like hell to break free of my suffocating cocoon.
At this point, it was too late for remedies. There was no going back to the girl I used to be.
There wasn’t a special cure for what ailed me; I wasn’t broken, so there was nothing to fix, and I didn’t want anyone preaching to me about redemption. Atonement wasn’t an option when all I wanted to do was dive into a river of sin.
I was addicted to bloodlust, violence, and depraved, immoral fucking. I had an obsession with a man revered as the devil––an obsession that was growing like a malignant tumor. I blamed him for how detrimental it had gotten. He single-handedly cultivated my sick infatuation into something virulent.
He’d pulled my ashen heart and pumped it full of his narcotic poison so he could be the one to incinerate it.
For two whole days, I told myself he would never forsake me, he would never leave me for dead, but there was no denying the scene that had played out before my very eyes.
I watched him walk away with the same man who’d turned his back on me years ago. I had to admit he was a brilliant, deceitful asshole. He was the most lethal man I knew. He was beautiful and so undeniably sick, like me—the star of every debauched fantasy I had.
And I refused to him go.
I couldn’t allow him to slip through my fingers. Not when I’d spent so much time and effort trying to find him. Maybe I was heading for a mental breakdown. Maybe I’d already had one. I couldn’t really tell. Did crazy people know they were crazy?
It was fucked up, but he was what I needed, even if what he did still hurt like a sonofabitch.
I shed a few tears before telling myself to get my shit together and persevere, doing whatever I had to do to keep myself alive.
I knew I’d eventually figure it all out, because Ialwaysfigured it out, regardless of how much of a fucking mess my head was.
Speaking of deceitful.
“Cali, you have to talk to me sooner or later. This is childish,” Tito grumbled.
“Oh, I didn’t realize being used by everyone you know was child’s play.”
“I just saved your life,” he scoffed.
Pausing midstride, I squeezed my eyes shut, pulling in a deep breath and slowly letting it back out through my mouth. I whirled around to face off with him, and he wisely took a step back.
“Youstabbedme. I could have been eaten by a fucking cannibal because of you!
“You sent Simon after me, the same guy who wouldn’t be able to find his dick if it wasn’t attached to him.
“He’s dead now, by the way. I’m positive he felt every piece of his skin tearing from his body as he was dragged behind a car before his head disconnected from the rest of him. If he’d been made to talk, that could have easily gotten me killed on the spot.
“Youshoved me off a goddamn bridge. And before you say anything, no, I was not going to jump. My brain kicked in and reminded me that I don’t know how to fucking swim.”
He didn’t say anything to defend his actions, which only irritated me further.
I let out a humorless laugh. “Doesn’t it almost seem like you’ve been trying to kill me far more than you’ve been trying to help me?” With a shake of my head, I turned away and continued walking.
Did the guy want a trophy for preventing me from drowning? I could still feel the harsh impact of my body breaking through the chilled water before I got a mouthful of it in my lungs.
