Page 77 of Rival Season
It’s like everything from the last two months is catching up to me all at once. The cheating boyfriend, my parents being unsupportive, the thousands of words I’ve added to my dissertation, the long volunteer hours, and my fake-or-not-so-fake boyfriend.Perhaps, especially my fake-or-not-so-fake boyfriend.
I’m overcome with the weight of it all. Everything suddenly feels soheavy.
“Oh, Hazel.” Bertie’s soothing voice cajoles, and she pulls me into a hug. “Why don’t you tell me about it? Sometimes that helps.”
I nod, giving her a squeeze and then letting go. Bertie takes hold of my hand and leads me over to two folding chairs and we sit down.
It’s such a relief to finally talk to someone that everything pours out of me, the whole story about Chadwick, and then how Penn offered to help. How my parents, namely my mother, are pressuring me to get back with my ex. Berties listens, nodding as I talk and humming thoughtfully.
When I’m done, she takes a deep breath. “That’s a lot for one person to carry alone. I’m glad you got it all out.” She reaches over and pats me on the knee. “First of all, this Chadwick boy sounds like a butthead…and to be frank, your mother also sounds like a butthead.”
I release a watery laugh and Bertie smiles at me before continuing. “But I’m wondering if the biggest reason your heart feels heavy is because you’re developingrealfeelings for Penn, and now you’re worried you’ll lose what you’ve built together.”
I inhale a deep breath before letting it out slowly. “Yeah, perhaps you’re right.”
“But,” she says, raising her eyebrows, “and this is just the opinion of an old lady…I don’t think you’re the only one with real feelings. I watched you two the day Penn and his teammates volunteered. The way that boy looked at you? That can’t be faked.” She shakes her head from side to side with a smirk. “I think you and Penn need to be honest with each other and stop pretending.”
My chin trembles. Just the thought of being vulnerable with Penn and asking about his feelings has emotion bubbling up again. “Bertie,” I whisper. “Do you think—and be honest—do you think I’m unlikable…or maybe just boring?”
Bertie scoffs. “Darlin’, have you and I ever struggled to have a good time while we work?” She nudges me with her elbow. “Don’t tell the others, but you’re my favorite volunteer. I love our conversations, and I like hearing the thoughts of a smart young woman like yourself.” She furrows her eyebrows. “If the people in your life make you feel unlikable, then you need new people.”
I chuckle at that. If only it were so easy. I can ditch Chadwick, but my mother is a different story.
Penn, on the other hand…he’snevermade me feel that way. The opposite, in fact.
“Thanks, Bertie. I needed your wisdom.”
“What you need is to have a talk with that man of yours—he’s a real piece of eye-candy, I must say,” Bertie quips.
I snicker at that, and we get back to work. As we sort through the items, I have more time to think, considering Bertie’s comment about the way Penn looks at me. Then my mind goes back to what Chadwick said, about Penn only wanting physical intimacy. There’s a reason my nickname for him from the beginning was Playboy. In fact, Penn told me straight up he hasn’t been in a relationship for a long time, only hookups. So, maybe Chadwick isn’t completely wrong.
But Penn is also kind. Thoughtful. Loved by the people around him. Like Ally said to me weeks ago, he’s a really good guy. I also can’t help but remember all the moments we shared where he was vulnerable with me…like introducing me to his sister, and sharing about his time in foster care, or how protective he acted when he overheard my conversation with my mother.
Penn makes me feel like there’s someone in my corner. Like I can always be myself and that’s enough. I love being around him, and our chemistry is undeniable, but even before we kissed I enjoyed his company.
Our connection isn’t just physical for me, and the more I think about it, the more I think it might be the same way for him.
Our time together is running out fast. So, maybe it’s worth sucking up my pride and asking him if this is real for him, or if this is all in my head. My stomach swirls with nerves at the thought of telling him this doesn’t feel fake to me.
The reality that I could get hurt again threatens to overwhelm my head entirely—and my heart.
CHAPTER 29
PENN
“Matthews, are you decent?”Fisher’s voice carries from outside our shared bathroom door.
With a sigh, I lean forward under the hot spray of the shower and touch my forehead to the cool marble wall. We just got home from working out at our practice facility. The heavy lifting session we did was just the thing to take my mind off that awkward breakfast I had with Hazel this morning, but now that we’re home again, I’d really like five minutes alone to think.
That’s apparently too much to ask from Fisher, though.
“Matthews?” he calls again, banging on the door.
“I’m in the shower,” I yell back, irritated.
“Yeah, duh. I figured. If I walk in right now, am I going to be greeted by the sight of your bare ass or is it going to be more of a full-frontal situation?”
“Go away,” I groan.
