Page 78 of Saint
I’d much rather talk to the brother who’s just going to show me chunky babies and give me sarcastic updates on the rest of the family.
“Okay,” I say again, getting to my feet and squinting down at the iPhone screen. “I can turn this around, right? I want to show you this grotto thing—”
I manage to find the button that flips the screen, careful to move the phone so that Sean can’t see his best friend naked and napping behind me, except then it takes too long to flip, and I hit the button again, and then it’s flipped back to me while I’ve got it raised in the air.
Too late I realize that I’m not showing Sean the grotto at all, but a perfectly framed view of the best uncle’s ass.
Shit shit shit—
I get the screen flipped around again but it’s too late. Sean’s mouth has dropped into a giant roundO.
“That is a butt!” he hisses. I’m guessing he doesn’t want Amani to hear. “Aiden! Why is there a butt behind you?”
“I...” I hate lying, but also I have to lie, don’t I?
But Sean knows me too well, and before I can say anything, he’s guessed the truth anyway.
“Aiden Bell!” he whispers angrily. “I know you are not fucking around with my best friend on your ‘maybe I want to be an Irish monk’ trip!”
“Wait,” I whisper back, aggrieved. “Aren’t you supposed to be onmyside? Aren’t you supposed to be going all big brother on your best friend instead?”
“Well, maybe I would if my little brother hadn’t already broken my best friend’s heart!”
I glare at him.
He glares back at me.
“I’m not going to break his heart,” I whisper furiously. “We both know this is just a...an interlude.”
“You’re a monk! You’re not allowed to have interludes!”
“Well, you’re an asshole! You’re not allowed to have opinions!”
He covers Josie’s ears. “There are babies in here! Don’t call me an asshole in front of my babies, you shithead!”
We glare at each other again.
Finally, Sean reaches for his ace in the hole. “I’m telling Tyler,” he says. A little smugly.
I feel myself pale. “No, don’t.Sean.”
Now that our mom has died, this is endgame. The ultimate tattletale.
He gives me a sad shake of his head. “I’m telling him. I’m telling him you fell off the dick wagon so hard you left a dent in the road. And then he’ll call you and he’ll yell at you and then maybe you willleave my poor friend alonein your quest for ‘interludes.’”
“I’m not—” My voice has gotten louder, and I force myself to whisper again so I don’t wake Elijah. “I’m not collecting interludes in some kind of interlude harvest, okay? I’ve been good—I’ve been living exactly the way I’m supposed to. And then Elijah joined me on this trip and there were medieval ruins and it all justhappened.”
“And so it’s just going to magically stop happening once you get back home and away from medieval ruins? Is that what I’m hearing?” Sean asks.
“Yes, obviously. He won’t be at Mount Sergius, and I’ll probably be moving to Europe anyway, and so it’ll have to stop happening.”
Sean scowls at me. “I swear, if you fuck with his heart again, I am bricking you into an anchorage so you can never be near him again.”
“I’m surprised you know what an anchorage is.”
“I’m surprised you think it’s totally fine spiritually or whatever that distance is the only reason you’re going to be able to stop. You know I don’t give a shit about sin, but I do give a shit about Elijah, and I guess”—another giant sigh—“a shit about you too.”
“Thanks, I think.”
