Page 118 of Never Forget

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And then he broke.

He put his hand over his face. I watched his shoulders do the thing I'd only ever seen them do once, at the funeral, when he thought nobody was looking.

I crossed the room.

I put my arms around him.

He didn't resist it. He also didn't let himself lean in for a second, like he wasn't sure he was allowed. Then he did. His forehead came down to my shoulder and he broke the rest of the way.

"I'm sorry."

"I know."

"I'm so sorry, Jamie."

"I know, Sam."

He held onto the back of my shirt in both hands. I could feel him trying to breathe through it. I put my hand on the back of his head and held him there.

It took a while before he could talk again.

When he finally lifted his face, his eyes were red and wet. He couldn't meet mine.

"Sam, look at me."

He did.

"I don't blame you for Jack."

His face moved.

"I don’t."

"Jamie—"

"Listen to me. Jack went back in because he heard a little girl. He saved her. He died choosing to do what any of us would have prayed our brother would do." My voice stayed steady. I didn't know how. "You asked him to cover. He covered. After that, the rest of it was Jack."

His eyes closed. A tear slid down his face that he didn't bother to wipe.

"That's not on you, Sam. That was never on you."

I kept my hands on either side of his face. I waited until he opened his eyes.

When he did, he couldn't hold mine.

"What hurt me wasn't Jack's shift. It was that you kept it from me. I spent four days trying to figure out which parts of what Amber said were real." My thumb moved across his cheek. "That's what I couldn't sit with, Sam."

"Jamie."

"I needed the space." I took a breath. "But I know what it cost you. I'm sorry for that part."

He shook his head. He wasn't disagreeing. He just couldn't get any words out.

I pulled him down and pressed my forehead to his.

He let me.

We stayed like that for a minute. Both of us breathing. His hand came up and found my wrist and held on.

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