Page 132 of Never Forget

---

I remember Cap somewhere behind me with his hand on the back of my neck. I remember Tyler's hand still on my coat. I remember the smell—polyurethane and burnt wiring and the specific acrid that comes off foam when it cooks—I remember looking down at my gloves and not being able to feel them.

I remember the roll call.

Somebody I didn't know started reading names into a handheld. The names came one after another and the silence after each one got longer.

Nine names.

No answer.

Firefighters stood in the parking lot.

Some of them were crying. Some of them were on their knees with their helmets on the asphalt. Some of them were just standing there looking at the rubble like they were waiting for it to un-collapse.

I don't know how long I stood there.

At some point Cap found me. His face was gray. He looked at me for a long time without saying anything and then he said my name.

"Sam."

"Cap."

"You go home."

"Cap—"

"You go home to your girl and your little one. You go home right now."

His hand was on my shoulder. His voice was rough in a way I'd never heard it.

"That's an order, Reeves."

I nodded.

I couldn't speak.

He squeezed my shoulder once and walked back toward the rubble.

I stood there another minute before I remembered how to move.

I found my phone in the pocket of my jeans, which were folded on the bench where I'd left them when I'd geared up four hours ago. Four hours. It felt like a lifetime and also like twenty minutes.

I called Jamie.

She picked up on the first ring.

"Sam."

Her voice broke.

"I'm okay," I said. "I'm coming home."

I heard her crying on the other end.

"I love you," she said.

"I love you too."

I hung up.

---