Page 116 of Never Forget
I got out of the car. The heat hit me on the walk to the entrance. I took the stairs up because I didn't trust myself to stand still in the elevator.
I was halfway up when I realized I hadn't checked whether he was home. I hadn't texted or called. I didn't know what I'd been planning, exactly—showing up unannounced at his door in the middle of the afternoon like this was something we did. Like I hadn't asked him to leave four days ago.
I stopped on the landing and let myself breathe.
I was already here. I could at least knock.
I kept going.
I was a few steps from his door when I heard it.
Music.
Slow country-rock through the wall. A man's voice and a guitar that moved like something underwater. I knew it before I could name what it was. It was the record we'd listened to together on his couch the day he almost kissed me. It was my father's music. It was Jack's music. It was Sam's. He'd grown up in my kitchen listening to it.
My hand went to my chest without my permission.
He was home.
I stood outside his door longer than I meant to. I listened. I hadn't let myself miss him until right now. Four days of not missing him caught up to me all at once, and I had to close my eyes and breathe through it.
Then I knocked.
The music stopped.
A pause. A long one.
Footsteps.
The sound of the lock turning.
The door opened.
Sam looked like he hadn't slept in four days. His hair was a mess. His shirt was wrinkled. His eyes went red at the edges the second they landed on me.
"Jamie."
"Sam." My voice came out quieter than I meant it to. "Can I come in?"
Sam stepped aside. I walked past him into the apartment and he closed the door behind me.
He turned around.
I saw his face and something in my chest folded.
He hadn't slept. He hadn't been eating. He'd been sitting in this apartment with Jack's music on. His phone face-down on the counter and nothing to do with his hands. I could see all four days on him at once.
"Jamie."
"I've been doing a lot of thinking."
He waited.
"I have questions. And I want you to answer them. Okay?"
"Okay."
I took a breath.
