Page 79 of A Highly Unlikely Duchess
She looked at him, her eyes searching his features. "I see now that I didn't create a spark; I started a fire that’s burning you alive. I thought I was doing the right thing for her. For the promise I made to a woman who loved you more than her own breath. I am sorry about the scandal. I truly am. It was not my intention."
"The scandal doesn't matter," he whispered, the admission sounding like a confession in a cathedral. "I don't care if the Ton burns the name Carrowell to the ground. I guess I am thankful to you, Julia. Even though I am furious with you. Despite the wreckage you caused, you gave me Emily, and she is... she is the only thing in my life that has ever felt real."
Julia’s jaw dropped, her breath catching. She tilted her head sideways, utterly confused. “What?” she asked.
"I am in love with her," he said, and as the words left his lips, the walls of the fortress he had spent a lifetime building finally collapsed. "I did not plan for it," he said. "I want to be very clear about that. I had a plan, the plan was entirely different, and she was supposed to be a means to an end. But then at some point she stopped being that, and I did not notice it happening until it had already happened. By then, it was —" He stopped. "It was already this."
"This," Julia said carefully. "What is this, Theodore? Love?"
He was quiet for a long moment. “Yes. Love.” He slumped into his chair, burying his face in his hands. "It is love, Julia, and I have been so incredibly stupid. I’ve spent two weeks hiding in this city like a coward, trying to convince myself that I could breathe without her."
"Then why are you here?" Julia asked, stepping closer to him. "If you know it, why are you sitting in the dark?"
"Because I am my father’s son!" Theodore snapped, looking up with raw, tormented eyes. "Love terrifies me because I don't know how to handle it. I was never taught how to be... this. Emily would want things from me that I am afraid to give."
Julia looked at him for a long moment.
Then she leaned forward and slapped the back of his head.
Theodore recoiled, his hand flying to the spot where Julia had just slapped him. He stared at her, eyes wide with genuine shock. "What on earth —"
"Oh, stop it," Julia said, rolling her eyes and stepping into his personal space. "Stop acting like being a Duke is a terminal illness, and stop using your father as an excuse to be miserable. No one is taught how to do this, Theodore. There isn't a manual for the heart, and even if there were, you’d probably just try to audit it."
She reached out, her expression softening. "Everyone charts their own path. You don't wait for a lesson; you willingly learn. You learn because love gives you the will, and somehow, you find the way. It’s messy, and it’s terrifying, but it’s the only thing that makes the rest of this nonsense worth it."
Theodore opened his mouth to protest, but she held up a finger to silence him.
"Listen to me," she said firmly. "Both of your parents were flawed. They were both bad parents in their own ways... one too cold, the other too fragile. But you are not them. You are a wonderful person, Theodore. You are loyal, you are steady, and you have a capacity for devotion that most of the men in this city couldn't even fathom."
"Emily will be lucky to have you," Julia continued. "If you let her have you. If you stop standing at the edge of your own life waiting for something to go wrong and simply walk into it." She squeezed his hand once. "You are a wonderful person. I will always say that. I have known it since you were seven years old." She released his hand and sat back. "Stop being afraid of it. Stop letting the fear of your father's failure become your own."
Theodore stood still, the echoes of her words settling into the hollow spaces of his chest. The terror was still there, but it was no longer the only thing he felt. Julia was right. He had been a student of logic his entire life, and in that moment, he realized that he was now a miserable student, ready to graduate and move on to other things. That was the only way he could actually take control of his life like he desperately craved. Perhaps it was time to embrace a new chapter and not run from it.
He opened his mouth to speak, but then a knock came, and before he could respond, the door opened.
Peggy stood in the doorway, breathing hard. The girl was a vision of disarray, her bonnet hanging by a single ribbon. She was gasping for air, her hand clutching the doorframe as if it were the only thing keeping her upright.
“Your Grace…” she breathed. “I apologize for barging in.”
Theodore’s heart didn't just skip; it seemed to stop entirely, a cold, sickening hollow opening in his chest. In the heartbeat it took for Peggy to speak, a thousand jagged images flashed through his mind… Emily fell, Emily is ill, Emily is in a carriage accident on some dark road. The blood drained from his face as the realization hit him that he had left her unprotected, and the sheer terror of losing her before he could utter a single word of the truth made the room tilt on its axis.
"What is the matter, Peggy?" he rasped, his voice barely a sound, his hand already reaching out as if he could physically pull the news from the girl’s lungs.
"Your Grace," she sobbed, the words catching in her throat. "You must come... You must come back now."
Theodore felt a cold, visceral dread settle in his gut. He moved toward her in three long strides, his hands catching her shoulders to steady her. "Peggy? What is it? Is it Emily? Is she hurt?"
"He took him," Peggy said, her voice rising in a thin, ragged wail. "He came with the law, Your Grace. He came with constables."
Theodore’s grip tightened. "Who? Who took who?"
"Mr. Cluett," she gasped. "He came to the house just after dark. Her Grace... she fought him. She stood in the doorway and toldthem they’d have to strike her down before she’d let them pass. She called them cowards, she called for the guards... but the constables had papers. They said he was the blood kin, the legal guardian since Her Grace’s parents disowned her sister."
Theodore felt the world tilt. “Who is Mr. Cluett?”
"Frederick’s grandfather. He took him," Peggy continued, her voice trembling. "Frederick was screaming for her, and for you, Your Grace. Her Grace... she’s still there, but I’ve never seen her like this. She’s like a ghost. She told me to find you. She said she needs you."
Theodore's face went deathly pale, his features hardening. Theodore did not wait for another word. He lunged for the door, past Peggy, past Julia, down the stairs, where he turned immediately to the nearest member of his staff.
