Page 90 of Yours Truly, the Duke
Trying to keep her voice calm, she whispered, “It’s what you said.”
“I meant yourfocusshould be on loving them and not trying to make them perfect.” Wyatt shook his head again and pushed his coat aside. “You’re taking everything I’m saying wrong again.”
She edged toward him. “Maybe that’s because everything you are sayingiswrong.” Anger punctuated every word. “If I don’t make them mind and be proper in all things, they’ll grow up selfish, self-centered, and caringfor no one but themselves and being the same kind of person Jane is.”
“But Angela loved Jane. She loved the person you don’t want her children to be like.”
Tears shot to Fredericka’s eyes so fast there was no time to stop it from happening. “You have no right to say that.”
“I don’t,” he said earnestly. “I shouldn’t have, but I’m only repeating what you told me.”
Fredericka felt as if a weight were pressing on her chest. Tears clogged her eyes, but she held them by blinking and whispering intensely, “Angela loved me. I know she loved me. I was her sister.”
“Of course she did.” Wyatt’s features softened. “But she loved Jane too. Have you ever considered that Jane is the way she is because you are the way you are?”
Her heart throbbed slow, hard, and she heard every beat in her ears. “I suggest you clarify yourself, Your Grace.”
“You’ve both been so filled with jealousy over each other that neither of you have been able to love and enjoy Angela’s children.”
“That’s not true,” she insisted even as she wondered if there was truth in his words. “You aren’t helping.” She turned away from him but swung back quickly. “You haven’t helped me from the moment we married. I had to force you to allow me to stay here.”
Anger lit in his eyes. “You couldn’t force me to do anything, Fredericka.” He looked at her almost desperately. “I was reluctant at first, but now I want you here. For me.”
How could she believe him after all he’d said to her? “You have always been more interested in your training, clubs, and tournaments.”
He tried to take hold of her arm once again, but she sidestepped away from him again.
“Not anymore,” he answered softly. “I’m going to—”
“Don’t say another word to me. Your friends are waiting for you. Go to your games and your important tournament. Being a duke, I would think you already have enough money and don’t need to constantly practice and worry about games and winning wagers all the time!”
“Me?” He took a step closer to her and patted his chest with an open hand. “You think the money I win is for me?” He grunted a laugh and nodded. “You actually think I do all the gaming for me?” He grunted again. “Yes, Fredericka, I believe I will take my leave of you and go back to my carefree life before you came into it. It had far less trials than the ones you have brought me.”
He started out of the room but at the door turned back to her. “You and I are more alike and have more in common than you think. We are both wayward souls that can’t find peace. I am searching for redemption and you are looking for validation. You are still blaming Jane for Angela’s transgressions, and I am still condemning my youth for mine. Neither of us have exorcised our ghosts from the past. There may be no hope for either of us until we do. Maybe settling guardianship once and for all with Jane next week will do that for you, and perhaps one day I’ll feel I’ve paid my debt and settle mine.”
Fredericka closed her eyes against the truth of his words and didn’t open them again until she heard the front door close behind her husband. She clasped her hands together and hugged them to her chest and silently wept.
Wyatt was right. Ghosts, memories, whatever they were called, still haunted her. And because of them, she may never have happiness with the children, or Wyatt.
CHAPTER 26
AMARANTH-UNFADING LOVE
—M. J. JEWSBURY
A common loss might tears bewail,
But not a loss like thine,
And words might soothe Love’s fancied tale,
But not a love like mine.
It hadn’t been an easy day as Fredericka worked through all that had happened concerning the children. Wyatt leaving with so much anger between them left her heartbroken. She spent some time alone in her room to pull herself together. After that she went into Wyatt’s book room. No signs remained of the children’s venture into the world of adults. The usual smells of aged parchment from all the books and burned wood from the fireplace were the only scents that remained.
Making lists to study always calmed her and helped put important things in perspective. She sat down in the big chair behind Wyatt’s desk and started with the reasons she was so strict with the children and then listed why she wasn’t. From there, she moved to the possibilities of why Wyatt had been right concerning her feelings about Jane and her sister and why his observations couldn’t possibly be true. She even listed why she and Wyatt should win guardianship of the children and whythe Tomkins might win. Except, of course, she couldn’t think of a reason Jane should get the children.
By the time she finished her multitude of lists it was late in the afternoon. Since the children loved to be outside, she spread a blanket on the back lawn and gathered them around her. Elise and Bella settled on either side of her with Charles facing them. The sky was gray but not threatening rain. Many of the flowers in the garden had bloomed and there was a beautiful array of colors to take pleasure in all the way down to the back gate. A slight breeze signaled the evening air would be chilly but Fredericka would have them back inside long before darkness fell.
