Page 80 of Yours Truly, the Duke
“You’ve been to many parties, and with your travels, tournaments, and all your wins, I’m sure there’ve been many nights you thought were the best of your life.”
He couldn’t think of any night but the one he’d just had with her.
“Anyway,” she sighed. “It’s nice to know I wasn’t in your way, or in anyone else’s way, this evening. I enjoyed every moment.”
Her words caused a catch in his throat. He wasn’t one to get choked up about anything, but she had him damn close. He moved closer to her. “What are you talking about, Fredericka? In my way?”
“I know you didn’t want me here in London with you. You made it clear I would only be in your way.”
“No,” he said, but knew immediately it wasn’t true. “Yes. It was true. At first, maybe, but not now.”
“Don’t be kind. You’ve had many things to do and we both know it. You didn’t need me adding to your schedule.” Her eyes took on a glossy sheen. “I was used to the feeling. It was always that way with Angela and Jane. They were the same age and eight years older than me. They had things in common, and I was too young to realize I was annoying and in their way. I do now, of course. At the time, all I wanted was to be with them. They looked at me as a silly little girl who wouldn’t go away and leave them alone.”
Wyatt heard a trace of a tremble in her voice and it tightened his chest. “Is that what they told you?”
She looked away for a moment, seeming to search for something that had always eluded her. Finally, she dragged in a rapid breath and whispered, “Many times. And it was true.”
Thoughts of Eton and his own life stirred within Wyatt. He knew how some of the older boys treated the younger ones. They could be brutal with words meant to hurt and embarrass. He didn’t know girls could be that way. He always thought of them as softer. Kinder. This rejection must have been especially hard on Fredericka because Angela was her sister.
“That was callous of me, and them to make you feel that way.”
“It was,” she said with a smile that held no malice or offense. Just truth.
Her honest reaction caused his gut to twist. She had every reason to hate him, and he was hating himself for telling her she needed to go back to Paddleton. From somewhere deep inside himself, he must have known she was going to be the one who upset his carefully planned life.
“I never meant to make you feel unwanted. I have no excuses other than my own selfish needs.” And the truth was that he’d always believed a wife would be in his way and upset—no, destroy—his carefully laid plans. But it wasn’t bothering him that she had.
Fredericka moistened her lips, swallowed, and laughed lightly. “I didn’t intend to make you think I’m looking for sympathy. I only wanted you to know that being with you tonight—meeting people you know, dancing with you, and drinking champagne—it was very special.”
He wanted to say it was for him too, but sensed she wanted to keep talking, so he didn’t interrupt.
“I understood and agreed to our marriage arrangement. At the time, it was best for me as well. I’m most appreciative you changed your mind about letting me stay in London for a time.” Her eyes glistened with a sheen again. “I know in my soul I still feel resentment towardJane for stealing my sister’s affection, and so much of the time with her that should have been mine.”
He was beginning to understand Fredericka and Jane better. He moved closer but didn’t want to tamper with whatever she was going through. She needed to talk and he just needed to listen.
“Your rivalry with Jane has been going on for a long time?”
“Yes.” She looked around the vestibule as if to keep from meeting his eyes. “I don’t know that it will ever end. Even if the Lord Chancellor awards permanent guardianship of the children to me and you. Jane and I have been at each other for so long we probably don’t know how to stop.”
By the look in her eyes Wyatt could see she was reliving something from the past, so he stayed quiet. Her hands relaxed and her arms eased to her sides. He could see memories were swamping her. “The hardest part was that Angela never stood up for me. She never told Jane,‘No, let her stay.’I was her little sister and she never insisted that I should join them in their talks, giggles, and walks. I was her sister, yet she always sided with Jane. Never me.”
“So maybe Angela is the one you are truly angry with and always fighting.”
“What?” Fredericka looked stunned. “No, of course not,” she said with a breath of nervous laughter. “I don’t know what made you say that. It’s certainly not true. I loved Angela very much. I’ve told you it’s guilt I carry about Angela’s death. I should have never encouraged her to go with her husband that day. Jane never would have.” Fredericka looked toward the stairs and started to remove her wrap. “I should go up now.”
“Wait, let me help you with this.”
Wyatt placed his hands on her shoulders to remove her cape at the same time she reached up. Their fingers tangled together in the velvet. Fredericka turned her head and looked into his eyes. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. The most unselfish woman he’d ever met and, since he’d first seen her, the only woman he’d wanted.
“Perhaps I’ll just keep it on until I get to my chambers,” she said, holding her gaze on his eyes while slowly letting her fingers slip from his one by one. “It’s nippy in the house.”
“See if this warms you.” He pulled her to him, wrapped his arms around her, and hugged her close.
“Oh, yes,” she whispered, and pressed her cheek against his chest and settled comfortably into his embrace. “This should warm me in no time.”
“Not too fast, I hope. I’m enjoying holding you. You feel good in my arms, Fredericka. You always have.” It’s where she belonged.
Wyatt closed his eyes and drew in a deep, heady breath. He kissed the top of her head, and tightened his arms. Guilt had been an unwanted friend of his for years. He was very familiar with it. It could eat at one’s insides day and night. He didn’t want that for Fredericka. And he sure as hell didn’t want her feeling she was in his way.
