Page 52 of Gone With the Rogue
“But you did it for me. You were only trying to help me and I fear I can’t be helped.” Brina looked from Julia to Garrett to the two wide-eyed girls standing in the doorway. She then turned and walked out the door.
Julia glanced at Garrett. He gave her an understanding smile and quirked his head toward the door. “Go.She needs you. I’ll make sure the fire is put out.” Julia’s heart seemed to lift in her chest. She wanted to rush into Garrett’s arms and thank him for his understanding. Instead, she hurried after Brina and caught up with her in the vestibule, picking up her gloves, reticule, and bonnet.
“Brina, wait. There’s no reason for either of us to be upset about what happened. In fact, nothing terrible happened today. We didn’t burn down the kitchen—just the bread. I’m sure many cooks, even the best cooks, burn the bread from time to time. We must look at what we did. Not at what we didn’t do. We made soup.” Julia laughed softly. “Think about that. You and I cooked a pot of soup. Everything’s going to be fine.”
Brina kept her eyes focused on her hands, lying so still on the table where she’d gathered her things. “You don’t understand. It’s not the bread burning or the soup pouring all over the floor. It’s Sister Francine that has upset me. She was right when she said she didn’t think I was up to the task of being a part of Pilwillow Crossings.”
Julia’s heart softened even more for her friend and she laid her hand on top of Brina’s. “I won’t hear that from you. You can’t know what you are capable of accomplishing on just one try. Be as reasonable and kind to yourself as you are to others. We didn’t know what to do. We’ll try again, and next time—”
“No,” Brina said earnestly. She looked up at Julia with eyes as bright as a summer day. “The really horrible truth about myself is that I didn’t enjoy making the bread. How can I help others when I feel that way?”
“I’m sure it’s a natural reaction for anyone the first time,” Julia insisted. “I didn’t enjoy it either. We’ve never been allowed in a kitchen to know what to do orhow to do it. You can’t revile yourself for how you feel, what family you were born into, or how you grew up.”
“But how can I serve others, feeling as I do? The fact is I am the useless and pampered lady Sister Francine took one look at and saw.”
“You are not useless. Don’t say that about yourself. And I didn’t suggest we try to cook just to show you that you couldn’t do it. I actually thought we could do it. I had no idea it would be so difficult.”
“I know. It showed me there’s a difference between just standing in a line and handing food to people with a smile or a soft word—which is the only part I’d seen—and how much work there is to do before you can give people that comfort and kindness. I honestly don’t know if I’m up to it. I thought I was until you helped me try it.”
“Brina, I’m not going to try to talk you into anything or out of anything. That is your decision. I do think it would have been so much easier for us if we’d been learning with someone who actually had a recipe and knew how much flour, yeast, and milk to use. Or maybe if I hadn’t suggested port instead of tea. Perhaps we wouldn’t have let the bread burn if we hadn’t started talking about Garrett and my feelings for him.”
“That is the only sane thing we did.”
“But you can’t make your decision on this one attempt. You are a strong, capable person, whether or not you can make flour into bread, and you have many accomplishments. Most anyone can become discouraged when they are first trying to handle a situation they aren’t accustomed to. I know that feeling very well.”
Julia picked up the hem of her apron and affectionately started wiping Brina’s cheek. “My dear friend,you cannot go home with flour all over your face and with that apron covering your dress. Your bonnet will cover your hair until you get to your dressing room.”
Brina looked down. “Oh, you’re right. I forgot I had it on.” While she untied her apron, Julia helped brush her sleeves.
As soon as she laid the apron on the table, she picked it up again and said, “What am I thinking? I have to help you clean the table and floor.”
“No, no.” Julia grabbed the apron from her grasp. “There are two girls in the kitchen who probably know more about cleaning than we ever will. I’m going to put them to work.”
“That doesn’t seem fair. I helped make the mess. It’s only right that I do my part to clean it.”
“If you stay, there will be so many of us in the kitchen we will be running over one another. Please go and think on this decision you must make.”
A resigned sigh passed Brina’s lips. She then lifted her chin and shoulders. “What about Mr. Stockton?”
“I’ll put him to work, too,” Julia said with a smile. “The soup is so heavy we could have never carried it to school. I’ll ask him to do that for us. I’ll ask the girls to crumble the burned bread in the garden for the birds. Everything will be washed and put away in no time. The kitchen will be as Mrs. Lawton left it—minus a few vegetables.”
“Julia,” Brina said softly. “Just as I have some vital decisions to make, so do you.”
Her friend’s words seemed to seep into Julia’s soul. She knew. Julia picked up Brina’s gloves and reticule and gave them to her. “Go home. We’ll talk about all of this again soon.”
After seeing Brina out the door, Julia turned andcaught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. She tried to rub the soot off her face and the flour from her hair. But no amount of primping was going to make her look any better. She dropped her hands to her sides. There were more important things to do than make herself look better.
Julia walked through the doorway of the kitchen and stopped. Everything was clean. She glanced all around the room. Garrett was rising from the area where the soup had spilled over beneath the cook rack, a cloth in his hand. “What are you doing? How did you get everything clean so fast?”
“The girls helped by wiping the table. I just sent them back to the school with the uncooked vegetables.”
“Thank you. I didn’t intend for you to help clean.”
Garrett smiled. “Why not? One of the first things I had to learn when I went to sea was how to scrub the deck. If you’re going to sail a ship you have to know how to do every chore. I’ve already banked the fire and taken the bread out of the pans. They’re soaking in the tub.”
“I’m glad you saved something for me to do.”
He nodded as his eyes stared intently into hers. “I’m going to take the soup to the school and then I’ll be back.”
