Page 45 of Gone With the Rogue
“We do,” she said quietly and without a hint of pride. “Everyone here does. But for you, Mrs. Feld, you would be starting from a different perspective than all the rest of us. For many reasons, coming here has made a better life for most of us.”
“That’s what I want,” Brina said anxiously, leaning forward. “A more fulfilled life. A life where I do good things for others rather than myself. I’ve watched you feed the children and elderly people who can hardly walk without aid from someone.” Brina placed her hand to her chest. “My heart aches for them and I want to help them, too.”
“We all do what we can for those in need. I’ve found that most people are good-hearted and want to help others. I’m not sure you understand exactly what a life of servitude is, Mrs. Feld. I don’t doubt in your heart you want to find peace in your life and do something rewarding for others, but I would have concerns that you can physically, mentally, and emotionally do what would be required of you to live here with us.”
“I don’t know what you mean,” Brina said quickly and defensively. “I’m strong and healthy. My mind and reasoning capabilities are sound, and I understand all the consequences to myself and my family for what I’m considering.”
Sister Francine only smiled at her and then continued in her straightforward tone. “What we do is difficult, Mrs. Feld. I’m not talking only about the physical work we do. That can be learned by anyone. It’s that some women find they can’t cope with all the hardship and suffering they see others enduring. They take each person, each wound, and each sorrow as if it weretheir own, and when they do, the burden becomes too great to carry. That can’t be done here. You must be able to put aside all your emotions and concentrate only on the effort of what is required of you.”
“I can do that.”
“Can you?” The sister sighed. “I suggest you return home and think about the magnitude of this endeavor. You would encounter a world you know nothing about and I’m not sure you fully understand. Consider it carefully and then come back and we’ll talk again.”
Julia knew Brina hadn’t convinced the sister of anything, but Brina’s countenance hadn’t changed. Her eyes had narrowed just enough for Julia to know she wasn’t happy that Sister Francine had all but dismissed her as a weakling.
“Thank you, Sister Francine,” Julia answered, understanding exactly what the woman said, whether or not Brina did. “Mrs. Feld will continue to search her heart concerning this matter. I do believe she knows the impact this would make in her life as well as her loved ones’ lives. She will consider it more. For now, there is a different subject I’d like to discuss with you, if you have the time.”
“I’d be happy to,” Sister Francine answered, seemingly not bothered at all by how her comments affected Brina and the quiet aura that had settled over her.
“Mrs. Feld and I, along with another friend, started a benevolent school for girls where they are taught the trade of seamstresses so they can earn a wage one day—when they are older. The school was recently the beneficiary of more fabrics, threads, and such than we can use. We thought perhaps we could share some of it with you. It’s not the kind of fabrics and materials the sisters would use for themselves but we thought perhaps you might sell the items and utilize the money to then buy whatever you may need.”
“We gratefully take donations, Lady Kitson, and I don’t want to seem unappreciative of you for thinking about us, but none of us here would know how or where to go about selling merchandise.”
“Oh,” Julia said. “Yes, I should have realized that and do understand exactly what you mean.” In truth, she and Brina were in the same predicament. Entering a seamstress or modiste shop and asking them to buy ostrich plumes and beads for ball gowns wasn’t something a lady of Society would ever do.
Sister Francine rose. “If you have black or white thread or fabric we can make use of it. Otherwise, I have to decline your generous offer.”
“Yes, of course. We’ll find a way to sell it ourselves and bring our donations back to you at another time.”
“In that case, we’d be pleased to accept. And I’ll be happy to talk with you another time about your aspirations to serve, Mrs. Feld.”
“Thank you, Sister,” Brina said tightly.
Julia and Brina remained quiet until they made it out of the building and down onto the pavement.
“I can’t believe it!” Brina exclaimed. “She doesn’t think I’m physically or mentally strong enough to feed people.”
Brina started marching down the street at a fast pace.
Julia rushed after her. “That’s not what she said.”
“Yes, it is,” Brina argued, not bothering to look at Julia. “How could she possibly know what I’m capable of doing from one meeting? Look at me. I am strong and healthy. I’m only twenty-three years old. I could be of service to them for many years to come.”
“Yes, Brina, look at you,” Julia answered. “Look at yourself and tell me what you see.”
Brina stopped abruptly and faced Julia. “You agree with her,” she accused her with a huff of breath. “You don’t think I’m capable of doing this for others either.”
“No,” Julia defended earnestly. “I’m not saying that. Not exactly, but I see what she is seeing. You’ve had an easy life. Look at how you’re dressed. You change your wardrobe from year to year. Her habit was old and worn. You’re young and beautiful. You’re small-boned and have delicate features. You look fragile.”
“I’m not fragile!” she exclaimed, raising her voice and jerking her hands to her hips in anger. “How can you say that about me? You know me. I’m not a weak-kneed simpleton. I know what I want to do. I want to help people in need. And I don’t appreciate Sister Francine all but patting me on the head and telling me to go home and enjoy the life I have.”
Julia hadn’t often seen Brina angry. In fact, she had never seen her in such a tizzy. And Brina was miffed at her, too.
“I’ll go to a different abbey.” Brina stomped off again. “That’s what I’ll do. If they don’t want my help at Pilwillow Crossings, fine. I’ll find one that does.”
Julia caught back up to her again. “That will do no good. They will all see the same person Sister Francine saw.”
“Then I’ll buy some old clothing. Or I’ll start my own house for the poor.”
