Page 39 of Gone With the Rogue
That thought hadn’t even entered Julia’s mind. She had told him only that the duke was better and hoped to travel to London soon. Perhaps he’d be on his way by the end of the week. She then asked if there had been any progress made on the code.
“You can’t ignore me when I’m sitting right across from you,” Brina said, breaking into her bleak thoughts.
“What? No, I’m not trying to ignore you. It’s just—”
“If you’ve decided you aren’t attracted to Mr. Stockton, tell me, and I’ll leave you alone about him and never mention him again. It’s just—the way you two looked at each other when you were standing togetherat Lady Hallbury’s party had me feeling you belonged together.”
“Brina,” Julia whispered softly.
“It’s true. You were so engrossed with each other it was as if you didn’t know there was anyone else in the room.”
That’s how she’d felt. “I’ve already admitted that something stirs inside me whenever I look at him. Feelings I’ve never felt before shudder through me. Magnificent sensations I’d like to pursue more deeply, but you know I can’t. Not until I put an end to the prison I am living in.”
“What can I do to help you? I keep asking and you don’t let me help you in any way.”
“But you are. By doing exactly what you are doing now. Giving me something to think about other than myself and my problems. I know what you decide to do about your future is as important as what happens to mine.”
“Yes. I suppose it’s as if we are both caught in our own separate whirlpools and we’re simply swirling in circles and making no progress of going forward.”
“That is exactly how I feel, Brina.”
The carriage rumbled to a stop and let them out at the corner two streets over from the abbey. After telling the driver to wait for them, Julia and Brina walked to where a large, three-story building stood among much smaller dwellings on each side of it. In front of the abbey was a long line of poorly clothed men, women, and children. Orderly and in single file, they passed by a table where a sister dipped into a large pot and filled the bowls and cups they held out. Each one nodded their thanks and moved on to where another sister handed them a piece of bread.
Off to the side at another table stood two sisters handing out rolled bandages and what Julia assumed were little bags of herbs or tea. The longer she watched, the heavier her chest felt. The trail of people was somber as they walked away.
“Look at the little girl with long blond hair,” Brina said softly. “And the little boy who’s not wearing shoes. It’s going to get cold soon. I hope he has some at home. And there’s a woman carrying a baby.”
Julia saw everything that Brina saw. “Like you, Brina, I’m overcome with compassion for these people and for the sisters and the selfless work they’re doing.”
“It made me feel wonderful when I saw this for the first time. To know there are such good-hearted, strong women who do kind things like this for people they don’t know. They rise in the mornings and say, ‘How many people can I help today?’ I rise in the mornings and say, ‘What dress should I wear to visit with Julia?’”
“I take nothing from these selfless-hearted women who are so generous to give up their lives to do this for other people, but you don’t give yourself enough credit for how good you are to others already. Remember you helped start the school.”
“I know what my life is, Julia. I live it.”
“Yes, of course you do, but I believe it takes a person with a different kind of strength to do this kind of compassionate work.”
“Is it that you don’t think I have that special kind of strength or heart? Or that I can’t learn how to make bread or roll a bandage?”
Tears pooled in Brina’s eyes.
“Certainly not. You are the kindest person I know. You are more than capable of doing whatever you wish.It’s just that I think some people help best with actually doing the work of caring for others, as we have Mrs. Tallon and her helpers at the school to teach the girls. Other people are better at helping to fund projects, as we do for the school. It takes both to make a charitable house work.”
“I believe I have the heart and the strength to do the kind of work these women do.”
“Good.” Julia touched Brina’s gloved hand with affection. “You are very brave to even consider this. That makes you stronger than most of us, because I know I am not suited. You must make sure this is what you want to do for the rest of your life. I don’t think there would ever be any going back.”
Brina turned back toward the sisters. “I know. And that is a worry. I’m waiting to talk to Sister Francine. I’ll know more after I talk to her.”
They turned and started walking back to the carriage. “I just had a thought,” Julia said, feeling inspired. “Why don’t we donate the leftover fabrics, beads, and feathers to the convent? They can sell the supplies and use the money for more food, herbs, cloth for bandages, or for whatever they need.”
Brina’s eyes brightened. “That’s an excellent idea. I’m sure they would love to have a donation like that. We can talk to Sister Francine about it when we visit. But—” Brina paused and looked at Julia curiously.
“But what?”
“We should make absolutely sure it came from Mr. Stockton before we start giving it away.”
Julia’s heartbeat raced at the thought of seeing him again.
