Page 72 of Tap Left
“I just wanted to tell you that I shouldn’t have said the things I did that night. I was angry and frustrated, and it had nothing to do with you, but I took it out on you anyway.”
She shrugs and gives me a sheepish smile. “I guess maybe sometimes I can come off as a little overbearing, but it’s only because I have your best interests in mind.”
“I know that. And I’m lucky to have someone who cares that much.”
We sit down in the back office, and she pulls out a bottle of cheap champagne from her reusable bag. I grab two Solo cups from my cupboard and pour. “What are we celebrating?”
“Our friendship.” We clink our plastic glasses and laugh.
“We’re so fancy,” I declare.
“Right?” she agrees. “Not everyone can have such refined taste.”
We drink and skirt around the heavier topics by focusing on light conversation to start. But it’s going to come up eventually, so I decide to broach the subject first.
“Daire and I are done,” I tell her. “For real this time.”
She is quiet for a while, contemplating her words carefully before she says them. “What happened?”
I tell her about our agreement. I explain that it was ending anyway and I knew it was a bad idea, but I went through with it. And then when I’m done explaining all of that, I tell her about the text message.
Again, Mellie is quiet for too long, and I can’t tell what she’s thinking. “You didn’t even ask him about it?”
“No. Why would I? He’d probably just give me some bullshit lie, anyway. And it’s not like I could tell him without admitting I was snooping. That would only make things worse, and it doesn’t matter. It happened, and I’m just done with it.”
Mellie nods, but I can tell she doesn’t agree.
“What is it?” My voice is defensive. “Just say it.”
“I don’t know, Lola,” she admits. “I’m not going to say that I didn’t think this whole thing was a horrible idea to begin with. The last thing I wanted was for you to get tangled up with Daire again. But I gave it some thought, and I have to admit you’ve been really happy these last few weeks. You’ve been… different.”
I force a deep breath into my lungs. “It was only temporary.”
Mellie treads carefully, pausing between each statement. She can see me unraveling already, and this probably wasn’t the time to have this conversation. “Can you tell me for certain that you aren’t just doing this out of fear?”
“No.” I rub my temples. “I’m not.”
She doesn’t back down. “You’re doing that thing again. You shut yourself down and turn yourself off. You are blank and empty, and I know that isn’t how you really feel.”
“I don’t even know how I feel,” I reply. “So, how can you?”
“Let’s forget Daire for a minute. This isn’t about him. It’s about Ryan and the fact that every guy you date gets punished for his sins.”
Her words pour salt into an open wound, and I don’t want them to be true. “I don’t do that.”
“He cheated on you, Lola. He hurt you. I get that. You had no closure, no answers, and you were humiliated. I don’t know if you’ve ever really dealt with that.”
The old me would continue to deny it, but I told myself this morning that I was turning a new leaf. Getting defensive and fighting with my best friend isn’t going to make my situation any better. So I take her words to heart and actually contemplate that she might be right.
“Maybe I have in the past,” I admit. “But Daire and I both liked to punish each other. The truth is there’s too much history there. Too much pain. And he isn’t good for me. You said so yourself. He’s an addict.”
Mellie nods and doesn’t say another word about it.
“Anyway, I’ve decided I need to focus on myself for a bit,” I tell her. “My main priority right now is saving the shop.”
It’s exactly what I told ThatGuy this morning. My emotions are too mixed up right now, and even though I do want to meet him, I need more time. His response was that he was only a text away, and we left it at that.
“What can I do to help?” Mellie asks.
