Page 42 of Tap Left
Everything in my life is moving in reverse, and I don't know how to stop it. It feels like all I can do is watch while everyone else travels forward and I'm dragged back by some immovable and all-powerful force of nature. I’ve let go of a lot of things without a fight, but the shop isn’t going to be one of them.
This is my dream. And I'm just not ready to watch it disappear yet.
"I don't know much about the book market," Mellie says. "But I've found some stuff online that might help if you want to have a look through it." She hands me the papers and I thank her. My eyes are blurry, and I feel so defeated. I’m worn down and tired, and I don’t know when this happened. My life spiraled so far out of control that I didn't notice until it was too late.
"Whatever you decide to do," Mellie offers, "you know I'll be here for you."
"Thank you."
"That goes for the situation with Daire too.”
That’s the last thing I want to talk about, but there is no judgment in her eyes. Not right now.
She shrugs. "I get it.”
"You do?"
"Well, not really. But I mean I understand that everything is changing for you right now, and things are so up in the air, and he's always been a constant in your life. The situation with Tom and the business, I know those are weighing on you. And in all honesty, I think it might be good for you to work out your feelings in this situation. This thing with you and Daire has been going on for so long, and you’ve never really been able to let go of your resentment towards him.”
“I’ve already let it go.”
Mellie levels me with her therapist look. The one that tells me not to bullshit her. “I know that you care about him, Lola, but you resent him too. Which is perfectly normal given the circumstances. But at some point, you will have to deal with that. It isn’t healthy to carry that around with you.”
I know she’s right, but I don’t want to acknowledge it because that feels like a battle I don’t have the energy to fight. “I’m not sure I ever can forgive him,” I admit. “How do you get over something like that? What he did… I just can’t. There’s a part of me that tries to rationalize. He was young. It was an accident. But then there’s another part of me that just doesn’t care about the circumstances. It happened, and it changed our lives forever.”
“Everybody makes mistakes,” Mellie answers. “But most of us are lucky enough that ours haven’t left a permanent scar. It only takes a split second for something to alter our lives completely. One bad decision. And I know you’ve made plenty of them yourself.”
“I thought you were on my side,” I pout.
“Always.” She smiles. “But someone has to give you the tough love. I’m not justifying Daire’s actions or his behavior now. I’m just trying to help you find some peace. At the end of the day, I don't want to see you hurt anymore.”
"I know."
She makes a zipping motion over her lips. "You won't hear another peep from me on the subject, then. Not unless you want to."
We hug. And then all too soon, she is leaving me alone to my thoughts in the silence of my office. I stare at the paperwork she brought with her and decide that I will read it tonight when the shop is closed, and I can give it my full attention. But for now, there’s another distraction in the form of my phone.
ThatGuy:
Damn. What's a guy gotta do to impress you, L?
My fingers hoverover the keys with a snarky response when something else occurs to me. This guy is a businessman. What kind of business, he didn't say. Daire told me guys want the full package, and technically that would mean keeping up false illusions. But at the end of the day, do I really want someone who can't see past a job title or bank account?
I know I probably shouldn't. Daire already said he would help me with the shop. I could wait for him. Or I could tackle it on my own and take some of Mellie's advice.
I could do a lot of different things right now. But things with ThatGuy feel comfortable. He feels like a kindred spirit. So I decide to make a bold move and just go for it.
LolaB:
You said you had your fingers in all sorts of pies, right?
ThatGuy:
That I do. Don't tell me you need tips on the stock market. Because I'll just tell you to invest in me.
Ismile, and I knew he would be cool with this.
LolaB:
