Page 76 of Forgotten
That week marks the seventh week after I woke up with no memories, a house with my best friend and a toddler.
On Tuesday I have my final check-up at the hospital. Ash drives me but he’s quiet, pensive. Dr. Parker greets me with Doctor Taylor and Doctor Carter and I listen to every single thing they have to say.
Physical health? Proud of your progress, keep it up Ford! Targeting a full elbow motion recovery, can stop wearing the sling if it feels right. Don’t stop exercising, some muscles might still need extra attention. Dr. Taylor books me one follow-up in about a month. “We will arm wrestle. I expect to lose, Mr. Hale.”
Brain scans? Sharp. Those headaches might be caused by your eyesight, please have that checked. Might eventually need glasses. You’re getting old, Ford.
Amnesia? Not so fucking sharp. My head keeps hurting like something is trapped in there and there’s no key to be found but this time, I don’t mind admitting that there’s been no improvement.
I hold my hand out to Ash and he hesitates only one second before grabbing it and interlacing our fingers. For the first time that week, Ash smiles at me. And I offer one back.
Back home, I pick up the phone and select Lily Hale’s number.
“Ford.”
“Hello, Mom.”
“How have you been?” I can hear everything my mother is not saying. She’s been worried, she’s been anxious, she’s been trying to give me space.
Her voice is gentle, but her breathing is unsteady. It’s quiet around her, and I wonder where in the world she is, if she has yet another partner. A new family, even. Lily Hale is unpredictable. She has been since the morning she woke up and decided Dad and I were not what she wanted from her life.
“I’m alright.” It comes out naturally, and I bite my tongue. “I’m better. I had a follow-up appointment today and the doctors were very positive. And my memories, hum… Did you hear? They might still come back.”
“And if they don’t?”
I shrug, even though she can’t see it.
“You always knew what was best for you, love. Remember, you can do anything with your life. Anything. Change it around, make it yours.”
I can’t help it. “Like you did when you left our family?” I know it’s unfair. I know Lily is my mother but she’s a human, too. Still.
“Yes, honey. Like I did. And I apologised to you already and will apologise again, but we’ve talked about this. I had to put myself first.” She takes a breath and it almost sounds like a sob. “And I know you might have forgotten now, but since Win… Since you became a father, I’ve been trying to be there. Trying to be present,be some kind of grandmother. I might be unconventional, yes. I might not be who you think of when you think of your family. But you’re still part of mine. You and Ashley, your father even. Winnie. And I want to be there for her. I want to be her grandmother.”
“Mom, you don’t have to.”
“No, please. Let me remind you. I’ve been trying to be there, when I’m around. And I know it is not much, but you have to know, you’re always in my thoughts. Leaving you was the hardest decision of my life. I told you this before, and I will tell you again.
“And I have been trying to tell you and Ashley that it is important that you do not forget yourselves. Even with Winnie, with however many children you might have. They are not your whole life. You are still Ford, you’re not just a father. Please, try to remember this. Try to remember that I’m your mommy, and I’m Winnie’s grandma, but I’m also me. I love travelling the world, Ilove to help the less fortunate. I love my freedom. Doesn’t change how much I love you, baby. It never will.”
???
After that phone call, sometimes, there’s a flash.
Ash hasn’t been out on the patio in days and maybe it’s the cold air at the end of September, or maybe it is something else. I go to poke his shoulder.
It’s early Wednesday morning, yet Winnie is awake and demanding attention. The pack of cigarettes on the counter lays untouched and I haven’t tasted mint from Ash’s lips in a while. Lately, I haven’t tasted Ash’s lips at all.
“Are you a changed man?” I tease him, eyeing the cigarettes.
Ash catches my eyes, holds up a spoon for Winnie and a middle finger for me. “Can’t keep a bitch from her drugs,” Ash sing-songs while feeding an unimpressed Winnie.
It must be a quote of some sorts but it doesn’t ring any bells. In fact, “I-”
A flash.
“Less cigarettes. Less coffee.”
Ashley is staring at me with his big blue eyes and I’m trying to hold it together. As if I could ever deny Ash anything. Ash sees right through me. “You’re joking.”
