Page 44 of Forgotten
My breath hitches, my heart skips a beat. Ash is already focused on the movie, the words spoken so lightly between them that they must be true.
Making himself smaller against my side, Ash rests his head on my shoulder. His hair is in a high bun, the tips of his hair sticking out and tickling my chin. I wrap an arm around Ash and instantly, I begin to relax. I have never felt safer, never felt more taken care of.
I don’t mean to fall asleep.
When I wake up, it’s Ash who’s whispering my name. “Ford, hey. Come on, let’s go to bed.”
I whine, hugging Ash tightly to my chest. “Didn’t watch the movie.” My brain is slow, my words slurred.
“No shit. Come on.” Ash keeps pulling at me, trying to free himself.
But I’m cosy and I don’t want to move, so I close my eyes instead and hide my face in Ash’s neck. And right there, surrounded by Ash’s smell and warmth, an impossible thought crosses my sleepy head.
“I want to make you come.”
Beside me, Ash freezes. “Ford,” he warns and I know it’s a bad idea. It’s only been a few days and even though I’m sure I have done it before, this would be the first time for the current state of my brain. According to thisfucked up brain I have never done this and suddenly, I will die if I don’t. To hell with the strenuous activities. I’m sort of horny, sort of sleepy, and Ash smells delicious next to me and his body is firm and long, and there’s only so much kissing a day a man can handle. I need to give this a go. I need to have a taste of my current life. Well, not a literal taste. Although the idea shoots a shiver down my chest to my groin. Tasting Ash. Yes, put that on the agenda. “Let me,” I plead, hearing Ash sigh.
“We should wait until you remember,” Ash says, but his lips find mine anyway and it’s harder to argue thisway.
I might never remember and I have no patience for this new Ash, responsible and considerate. So I let my hands wander to the front of Ash’s shorts and he sure doesn’t need much convincing. I can feel he’s already hard and rocking his hips upwards to meet my shallow touch.
“Okay. Please.”
The words are spoken so softly, I’m not sure if I’ve imagined them. I hook a thumb under the elastic band of Ash’s shorts and pull them down, breathless.
It’s the laziest hand job ever, yet the most wonderful. Two things can be true at once, but in this case three things are true.
This is my first hand job to a man.
This is my first hand job to my best friend.
But also, this is not my first hand job to either a man or my best friend. And I’m high on the idea.
Somehow, I know exactly what to do. I take my time trying to memorise every detail, just in case I ever forget again: Ash’s little whimpers, his slick skin and the way his whole body shakes against me. How his face tenses and then relaxes, all at once, how his blue eyes open to stare at me with an intensity I’m not sure I can handle. It’s all I have ever wanted; all I have ever wished for. And it was right next to me my entire life.
The weight of Ashley’s cock in my hands, the sweaty fingers holding me in place. As if there’s anywhere I would want to go. As if I would ever leave Ash, leave him after seeing the way his lips curl when he comes, the way his eyes roll back and fight against it, just to look at me a little longer.
“I missed you so much,” Ash breathes, later.
Excusing myself, I rush out of the room. Breathing short quick breaths, a weird melodic sound echoes loudly in my ears and my own screams as the windshield glass explodes are deafening. I try to cover my ears with my hands but the arm brace is in the way and suddenly everything goes red. The blood coming from Ash’s forehead, his eyes rolling back, the blinding light, the bodily fluids gathering in the plastic bags.
When I open my eyes again, Ash is bending over me. I don’t remember collapsing on my knees, can’t explain the tears on my cheeks. Ash holds my head to his chest and hugs me, promising it will be alright.
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” I say over and over again as Ash guides me to lay on the floor, my head in his lap. With soft fingers he strokes my hair and finally, I let myself succumb to sleep.
Chapter 16
2016 - Ashley
“So Ash, you’re visiting your best friend tomorrow, huh?”
My train leaves at 6:00 a.m. and I’m not here for Preston’s teasing. I just want to go to bed but he’s currently occupying it while Morgan, our other flatmate, is blocking my chair. There is physically no space for me to sit down in my room. And there's mentally no space for me to handle these two, especially when they’re being jealous of my best friend.
“Why are you both in my room?”
It’s a stupid question. I know perfectly why.
I met Morgan and Preston on my first day at university. For some reason out of all students in Birmingham, I had to end up living with a short American who is scared of darkness and England’s number one Drag Race fan. The moment Morgan and Preston discovered they were sharing a flat with a fellow queer, they had adopted me in their group.
