Page 17 of Forgotten
I suck a breath in. “What’s her name?”
“Ashwin.”
And I can’t help but bark out a laugh at the name. Ash gazes at me in reprimand and the tips of my ears burn. It’s the look of a protective father and I’m not sure what to do with it.
In such a short time Ash has gone from being my childhood best friend to being my boyfriend and the fucking father of our shared child. How does one go about accepting that?
On top of that, how does one namedAshley, together with someone namedAshforddecide to name a childAshwin? I’m starting to think this truly is a prank.
The look on Ash’s face tells me this is anything but a prank. “Sorry. Tell me about her.”
“Winnieis almost two years old.” A smile appears on Ash’s lips, a happiness unlike anything I have ever seen on my friend’s face.
I have no idea what’s the best thing to say, so I settle on “We adopted her?”
Ash shrugs, covering his eyes with a hand. “They’d told us it could take months. These processes are never quick and we had just gotten approval in February this year. When we got the call that there was this child that would match our circumstances, I didn’t want to. I thought it was too early, I wasn’t ready. But you were my rock the entire time—through the trainings, theinspections, the assessments. You convinced me. Or maybe I was very persuadable. Her mother was beautiful. She spoke little English, mostly French.” Ash chuckles. “Sometimes you still pronounce her name with a French accent.”
“Her mother…”
“She passed earlier this year. Winnie asks about her sometimes, and you tell her stories. Mostly while you braid her hair.”
“I braid?”
Ash shrugs. “You’re a pretty great girl dad.”
This time, the word shoots me in the chest and unexpected tears form at the corner of my eyes. “Whose idea was…?” I don’t need to finish the sentence before Ash stands back up again.
“Ours.”
Ours. As if we’re a team. Ford and Ash. Ashford and Ashley, best friends… no, partners. Parents. What else? I have no idea. I have forgotten it all in an accident I can’t remember.
???
At first, it’s the heart. It’s beating faster than usual but maybe it’s just the fact that I have just discovered I’m a boyfriend, and I’m a father.
Then, it’s the breathing. I part my lips to let air in, and when it’s not enough I start alternating short inhales to long exhales. Then, I get it all mixed up and respiration becomes an impossible task.
Winnie. It feels like a joke. It must be. Surely there was no accident. Surely, I’m being pranked. I knew Ash was into drama but faking being my partner—faking a child. That torment, that sadness… talented!
I clutch my fist, squeezing my eyes tightly until those white spots disappear. I’m sure, so sure this is 2022.
“You’ve got to… gotta go,” I manage to say between gritted teeth.
It’s coming, I know. There’s not enough air in the room, and I can feel Ash coming closer; can almost see his arm stretched out to comfort.
“Ash, go.”
But the arm doesn’t move. Instead, a cold and sweaty hand brushes mine, startling me.
“I’m not leaving. I’m right here.”
Suddenly I’m not here anymore, in a hospital bed. I’m somewhere far away and as the nausea hits me, an image fills my mind.
A cold hand around my wrist. Icy blue eyes searching dark ones, a shiver down my spine. “Don’t leave me.”
The memory goes as quickly as it comes, leaving me gasping for air.
“I… I just…”
