Page 84 of Eat Me Alive
The thunderheads gather, lighting the sky for a fraction of a second before it explodes. The sky cracks open like it’s my chest gushing out all the pain I feel.
“I do not understand.”
Xiaoyu chokes as she hugs herself, cold under the pelting rain. “I’m leaving you. Leaving this place altogether. I’m never coming back.” Her words feel hollow, but it hits me like a tidal wave.
I cannot catch my breath. She has completely caught me off-guard. My hearts are shriveling. I feel it in me. It feels like climbing up a cliff face only to fall when a rock breaks. Completely out of my control.
“It is the way of the humans, yes?”I say bitterly.“They raze everything in their path and leave destruction behind. You trample on everything and care for nothing.”
Her eyes light up with anger, but before she can say anything, I call onto the serpents. I command them to get her out of my sight before I beg for her to stay. Looking at her brings too much pain.
The worst thing about being able to repress memories of others is I cannot do the same to myself. I keep their memories as well as I keep mine. It is why I keep everything under lock and key. Beneath the void is simmering regret. I will always remember. When she steps on that ship, it is her excruciating memory that will sustain Esoterra.
Thankfully, the rain hides the tears that have fallen from my eyes. It is fresh, and it smells of petrichor.
I know Sateva is behind all of this, so when she comes, I already know what she will ask.
“How are you feeling, my brother?”
I do not lie.“Like I’m dying.”
Xiaoyu
I have basically been efficiently “removed” from his presence. Have you ever been so heart-broken, so angry, and so fucking done at the same time? Yeah, that’s me. Whatever the hell this fever dream is, I just want to wake up. I just want the reassurance that this had all been a figment of my imagination instead of real life.
Because if this is real, I don’t know how to recover.
Sniffling, I still manage to pull on some protective gloves and take several flower spikes of foxgloves. I hate how it reminds me of him. God, how am I going to move on when my life and career centers around things like these?
No matter. I’ll make myself feel better soon.
Alani runs up to me, a question in her eyes.
“We’re killing the captain tonight.”
Her jaw drops. “Who will man the ship?”
I love that she doesn’t even care we’re committing murder.
“Wewillwomanthe ship, lady!” I think I found joy in my stupid joke so I cackle.
“You’re upset and not thinking straight.” She says softly as she attempts to take the spikes from me. I know she’s just trying to help, but there’s no reasoning with me.
I will do whatever the fuck I want.
“Stop making me feel like I’m insane!”
Some of the crewmates walk up, and I see Ingar with all his glorious culty tattoos. He is one of them, too. I should have known.
“Professor,” he holds his hands out to take the flowers. “Hand those over to me.”
“Oh, for sure!” With that, I hit him with the bundle of spikes over his head, again and again until I began losing my breath.
He’s a champ, though. He takes hit after hit, not seeing the danger of the flowers.
“You motherfucker! You dragged me into this mess!” I hiss as more people surround us.
“This is the trip home I promised you.” He says calmly. “Let’s get you home, yeah?”
