Page 83 of Eat Me Alive
“Who hurt you? I will eat them.”
She doesn’t sniffle as her eyes fill with tears again. She looks into my eyes, and I am struck once again how easily she can do this. Nobody has ever been able to look me in the eyes and remain sane.
“No one.” She rasps. I know she is lying. “I asked the trees to help me find you.”
“They will obey anything you say.”
“Where were you, Datu? Why weren’t you there when I woke up?” She sees the look on my face and continues, “Did I mean so little to you that you didn’t bother to come look for me?”
“Of course not, I had thought to abduct you after I prepared the altar.”
Finally, her eyes see what is behind me. She reacts automatically, unexpectedly. I foresaw elation, happiness—not this wracking sobbing like I had just done her a great wrong. She balls her hands to her chest while I wrap my arms around her.
Hushing her is impossible, so I just let her cry. The forbidden thrumming begins as my hearts expand. Is this how I pass on? From feeling too much?
“Ssssh, I made this forest for you. This altar for you. Not even for me. Foryou. And no one can take it away.”Pressing my lips on top of her head. She’s sweaty and smells like other males, but she’s been in the ship with plenty of them. I hate this feeling it brings me—a ferocious rage so unlike any other emotion I’ve tasted.
“A forest can’t grow overnight.” She whimpers.
“I can make it happen.”I almost shake her. I am…desperate to stop her tears. Something feels wrong and it is leaving me choked up.“It’s me, sweet girl, I’m a god.”Right now, my words sound more like lamentation. A plea for credence.
Her nose flares as she looks away. A heart drops in front of her from the tree. I pick it up, holding it out to her.
“Have you eaten today?”
Shaking her head, she steps back. “I’ve been told not to eat anything you give me.” Her hand drops to her belly. “You were drugging me?”
I know the tone of her voice. The empty indignation. Dismayed, I realize she is finding ways to hate me. Grasping at straws over things that she doesn’t think matters.
“Yes. I wanted you all to myself. I was going to have you one way or another.”Willingly or unwillingly, I want to add, but hold my tongue. It is not the right time to give her more legitimate reasons to despise me.
“All organic, huh?” She sounds bitter, mocking, slamming away the heart I am offering. “Can you even wrap your mind around what you’ve done, Datu? How you did me so fucking wrong?”
Her eyes have grown wide, blood-shot in betrayal. Right now, she is truly mad. “There is one thing I hate more than the dark, and it is people who deliberately make me think I’m insane so they can live an oblivious cushy life.” She holds her hands out to scratch my face, but keeps it hovered, quivering with tension.
I won’t blame her if she does it. I think I deserve worse.
“And now, I’m having memories of things that should have made sense. Memories that could have driven me to make a betterlife out of myself. Memories that could have helped me grow out of this…”
The conversation has taken a turn for the worst, and her accusations cut deep. Deeper than I am prepared for.
“Grow out of what?”
“This…fear. This unreasonable need to please everyone around me. This standstill.”
“This conversation should be more for your mother, not me.”
“Yes! Let’s blame the fucking human since they are the inferior ones. And—according to you—you are agod.You are beyond accountability on your Tower of Babel.”
And just like me, she is also a hypocrite.“The problem with you, Xiaoyu, is you keep chasing dreams that aren’t yours. You expect to find yourself in the shadow of others, but you do not recognize the light when it shines your way.”
“What light, Datu? You?” She hisses incredulously. “You really think you are a prophecy.”
Maybe I am full of myself, and it is that crippling doubt again that makes me defensive. To swing axes, as Xiaoyu puts it.
“Xiaoyu, please, I know it has been difficult, but we can talk calmly tomorrow. Let the fire settle. I even made a nest for you. A bed where you can sleep—”
“I’m going home, Datu. Tonight.”
