Page 25 of A Dead Man's B-Side
What was the point of it all? Of the running, hiding, stealing, and hurting. Deep down, I knew it was because I was warping myself into a fantasy of a better life. Of a light at the end of the tunnel.
Every stab I’d taken, every drug I’d stolen. They were all steps I needed to take in order to reach my end. In a way, it was as if I was writing my own story, like the ones I read about with the trials the narrator must undergo to reach their happily ever after.
Except, unlike those books, with goals and missions, I didn’t know where time was taking me. I didn’t plan, nor did I ever prepare checklists. I only hoped that by the end, I was satisfied with my final destination.
I exhaled the smoke as it twisted and vanished with the calm breeze.
Maybe the fatigue was getting to me.
I sat there for a while, time passing without my notice. My stomach growled and ate at the hollowness inside. Empty since lunch; my heavy limbs were proof of my neglect. I was used to going hungry but the food I’d witnessed, the aroma coming off the different platters, only added to the ache.
I threw out the cigarette and was prepared to call it a night when I spotted a figure returning to the same building–Fourth Quarter.
I watched them appear from the fog and walk with their head down. It wasn't until they moved under a closer lamp post that I came to recognize them.
August. The boy who’d been, upon my arrival, pressed against the hallway and ridiculed by his peers.
He was a strange one, that one. What he lacked in wealth, he made up for in tongue and lip. He was smart, I’ll give him that.
One of the smartest students, academically that is, in Castle Hill. Which, considering he was a scholarship student, should’ve been obvious.
However, only having spent a day here, I found that August wasn’t picked on because of his status, but rather because he didn’t know when to subdue himself.
All day during the limited classes we shared, he’d roll his eyes at someone who proved to be less than stellar on a topic or throw a snide remark if a student asked a ‘dumb question’.
I was going to feel bad for calling him an idiot yesterday, but tonight I only pulled out another cigarette from the pack and rolledit between my fingers before leaning back against the window, watching August with a tilted head.
I wonder how long he’ll go before breaking down.
Before tiring of the endless cycle, he found himself running loops in with close to no reward.
Obligated to keep his grades pristine, and getting ridiculed for the skewed pride in his hard work.
I hadn’t realized I’d been found out until I refocused with a blink and found August staring back at me. I almost startled before forcing my muscles to release any tension they’d built up.
He was looking up from under the glow of the lamp post. It was dark, and I couldn’t see his face clearly, but something told me he wore a smile.
Not wanting to be caught staring longer than I should have, I leaned back into my dorm in search of a makeshift ashtray to avoid any more unintentional window stalking.
Padding into the bathroom, I grabbed the first thing I’d laid my eyes on, which happened to be the soap tray, before emptying its contents into the sink and returning to my room, placing it on my nightstand.
I was planning on staring at a wall until I decided to fall asleep, unless sleep found me first, but a knock at my door interrupted the mental outline of how I was going to spend the rest of my evening.
I wasn’t expecting anyone, and it was far too late for any more surprise appointments. I glanced to the side and watched, in the dark of my room, the shadow at the bottom of the door shuffling from onefoot to the other.
A student, I guessed.
I put away the cigarette that’d been balanced between my lips before shuffling closer at the sound of another set of knocks. Upon opening the door only a crack and peeking through, I found August.
He looked up at the sound and smiled his cheeky grin. “Hi–”
I closed the door.
“Oh, come on!” I heard his muffled complaint but couldn’t bother opening the door again. I needed peace of mind to think through the events of today.
Even without anything to ponder on, I really wasn’t looking for company.
Incessant knocks began pounding through the door.
