Page 137 of A Dead Man's B-Side
I slumped back until the last pair disappeared out the door, and when I went to stand, Mr Browne came to meet me instead. A smallknot of nerves built in my gut at his approaching figure. Leaning against the desk in front of me with a raised brow and a stern and set lip, he spoke first, “Alright, Alexandr. You’ve got my attention. Usually, students don’t run away when a professor asks for their time. And I took the liberty of speaking to your other professors, who told me you’ve been attending their classes just fine, with exceptional enthusiasm, in fact. So really, it’s just me. Tell me, is there something bothering you about my class? About my lectures?”
You, I wanted to say but held my tongue. Rain’s sharp eyes and warning felt as if someone had stuck a dagger between my tongue and my desk.
I grappled with the only answer I thought believable for someone of my age and character, a simple lie; those were always the most believable. “Your class is on a Monday morning. It’s tiring to get to.” I shrugged. “Besides, I’m not behind on any work.”
Mr Browne’s eyes narrowed but he didn’t comment on my words, because he wasn’t determining the deceit through words but rather through my body language. I only noticed when his eyes shifted between my own and then down to my limbs, forcefully calm and motionless.
His gaze slid back to meet mine. “You’re not. Somehow, your assignments are always handed in, despite your absence. Though, I know who to thank for that. But attendance is a mandatory and typically upheld standard here at Castle Hill. One, I would understand. But you’ve missed more than a couple.”
I didn’t want to sit here under his heavy gaze, and unconsciously glanced at the door, trying to speed things along. Adults liked being agreed with anyway. “You’re right, I should have at the very least spoken to you prior to skipping class. I’ll do better next time.”
Mr Browne raised his brows in surprise at my placating words, most likely expecting more of a fight from me. But my mind was a tunnel vision, leading to tonight, and I didn’t have any mental capacity to spare on this.
It was silent for a beat, and he seemed to choose his next words carefully. I imagine it was hard to reprimand someone who seemed to see the error of their ways and was so willing to fix them. He cleared his throat and crossed his arms over his chest, letting out a sigh that sounded as if it came from a particularly hard time in his life and was only now making its way out. He shook his head. “Alexei…”
My shoulders stiffened.
A frozen ball of ice seemed to press against my heart, threatening to cut off my breathing as my heartbeat sped up in panic. My eyes widened only a fraction before I quickly schooled my features, fisting my hands and focusing on the sharp half-moons digging into my palm.
I didn’t know if he was testing me or it’d been a slip of the tongue, a force of habit, but I wasn’t going to fall for whatever bait he seemed to throw my way. “Alexandr.”
Mr Browne blinked at me, furrowing his brows. “What?”
I pressed my feet deeper into the soles of my shoes, having the urge to rip off my skin, a mask, and run away. Hide and never come out. “You… called me Alexei. It’s Alexandr.”
Mr Browne straightened, his hunched shoulders now taking on the form of a metal suit armour, ramrod straight and impenetrable. His eyes shuttered before closing over, taking on a look of indifference. “Yes. Sorry,Alexandr. So many students can do that to a professor.”
His brittle smile didn’t reach his eyes, and I didn’t expect it to. “Well… if that’s all. I’ll be going now.”
I didn’t wait for his reply, swiping at my bag, barely throwing it over my shoulder in my hasty rush to the exit, and leaving without a glance back. Mr Browne didn’t stop me, and if he did, I wouldn’t have anyways.
Out in the now secluded hall, where oxygen entered my airways more easily, I tried making it as far away from that godforsaken classroom as I could, but I couldn’t bring myself to reach my next lecture.
When I forced my body to stop moving on its own, I found myself near the staircase.
There, in an act of hysteria, I pulled at the strap of my bag that seemed to tighten around my neck like a noose with each step away and threw it against the wall in front of me. I felt suddenly out of breath and aware of it, no matter how much I tried gulping down each inhale.
How dare he call me that stupid boy’s name?
How dare that stupid coward not die where I’d left him?
Die.
His body, soul, memory.
Was I never going to escape him?
Alexei was a coward, and I was glad to finally rid myself of him. And yet.
I couldn’t stop the rush of memories now that I’d opened the floodgates with a single thought. All the times I’d lain bruised and broken on that scratched and sticky wooden floor. All the times those boys cornered me and toyed with me, while he stayed hidden and out of sight. I saw him. I always did when my mind gave up and my body was nothing but a heap of bones and blood in that devil-imprinted boys' home. Creeping from behind the door, too afraid todo somethingand yet never afraid to stopwatching.
He never stood up to them.
That was his mistake.
Because if he’d justdone something, maybe I wouldn’t have–
“Sasha?”
