Page 100 of A Dead Man's B-Side
Maybe he needed someone to take his seat. I'll figure out why later. But for now, if Thaddeus wanted someone to assume the mantle, he’d turn to his closest friend, wouldn’t he?
It was a slightly reassuring thought.
He’d trust his friend and his perception of others.
Cassius must have had a good perception of Alexei, which led Thaddeus to me.
Except, there had to be something else. Despite it all, Thaddeus sounds as if he does one thing for multiple reasons, so if he fails in one front, he wins in another.
Why me?
I didn’t remember getting back to my dorm that night, but I woke up in my bed feeling groggy, my eyelids heavy and stuck together, refusing to open, and my temple aching, as if a car had run over it a hundred times.
My tongue was too dry, glued to the top of my mouth, and my muscles ached despite the minimal workout. Though I couldn’t be sure, considering I don’t remember.
I peeled my tongue away from its palate and smacked my lips together, trying to get some moisture around.
It was still early to get up and get ready, if the break of light was anything to go by, and yet, a knock sounded at my door.
Too exhausted to entertain any guests, I ignored it, hoping it would go away, and for a moment, it did.
Though, it didn’t take long until I heard the keyhole jiggling, and my door soon falling open.
I was planning on getting angry, letting that familiar rage boil under my blood and consume me, allowing me to direct it at theintrusion, but I was just so tired. My limbs were too heavy, and my eyes remained closed.
I could barely think long enough. I saw Paris’ styled hair first before her face.
I didn’t know she could pick locks.
The growing smile on her face paused on its journey before dropping, most likely at my appearance. I threw the duvet over my head and turned towards the wall.
“I knew you were awake, you know? It’s like I have a gift.” She joked from the doorway.
Her words practically fell on blind ears when I didn’t respond, hoping she’d get the message. She didn’t. I heard my door close, but her footsteps were getting closer rather than farther.
“Oh, come on, you’ll have to get up soon anyway.” Her voice was right over me then.
“Sasha.”
I didn’t answer. Besides, I couldn’t. My tongue was still stuck, I told myself.
“Sasha.” She said my name in a sing-song tone, and still, no words made their way out of my mouth.
I waited for her to cut her losses and leave, but instead, I felt weight fall over my torso as she began grappling for the duvet. I didn’t fight her, and when she uncovered my face, the muted morning light forcing me to face the world once again, she smiled, huffing and blowing her styled hair out of her face. “I didn’t know you weren’t a morning person.”
“I am.” The words came out before I could stop them. For once in my life, ever since Cassius, I wanted to talk about myself. I wanted to force the words out and establish my existence. To scream that I may not be known, but I amalive, and my life may have been engineered, but I walk under the moonlight when I wish to clear my head, and I could lie on the grass when I feel faint, and I feel my heart beating in my ears, and so I exist of my own free will. I have a name and I have made free choices, and no one controls me. I could hurt myself if I chose to, and I could walk over the edge of a cliff if I so pleased, because my actions were my own.
I wanted someone to know me and remember me asme. Not a puppet, not the mask, not the role I forget I was playing.
“Hmm, I know. We have Mr Browne first thing, and you’re always fresh and early.” She said sarcastically. We both knew I hadn’t been to Mr Browne’s class in quite a while.
Her voice was low with how close she was, and her warmth was slowly seeping into me. Her eyes peered into mine like she was trying to connect our minds. “So, what’s got you so sad?”
“How do you know I’m sad?” I mumbled slowly into the quiet of the room.
“Because I know sadness. In fact, I’m well acquainted with sadness.”
And then, I remembered what Thaddeus had said last night.
