I could order room service. Build a little nest of sadness with overpriced club sandwiches and mini bottles of vodka.
Instead I just lie here. Holding Dario’s pen. Wearing Enzo’s shirt. Wrapped in Saul’s blanket.
An emotional crime scene.
The chocolates are on the nightstand. I ate three. Then felt guilty. Then ate two more out of spite.
Spite toward who? Unclear. Possibly myself.
By morning I’m a zombie. Hollow. Running on anxiety and the kind of exhaustion that makes you feel like you’re floating.
There’s a knock on the door at 8 AM.
“It’s me,” Saul’s voice. Muffled through the door.
I open it.
He looks like hell. Dark circles under his eyes. Hair doing chaotic things. The same clothes from yesterday like he never checked into a room himself.
“Can I come in?”
I step back. Let him enter.
We stand in the hotel room staring at each other.
“I’ve been thinking,” he says finally. “All night. About you. About them. About what I can actually live with.”
I wait. Can’t speak. Can barely breathe.
“I can’t lose you.” His voice is steady now. Like he’s made peace with something. “And I can’t walk away and pretend this isn’t happening. So I’m going to see them. Today.”
“To find out about Sal.”
“To find out about Sal,” he confirms. “To assess the threat level.” He pauses. “And to find out what they want. What this means. If they’re trying to get you back or if this was just... closure.”
“And then?”
“And then I’ll know what I’m dealing with.” He still won’t look at me. “If you’re safe. If they’re a problem. If...”
“If what?”
“If there’s any version of this where I don’t lose you.” His voice cracks slightly. “Because I spent all night trying to figure out if I can walk away from you. And I can’t. But I also can’t keep pretending I’m okay with you being in love with two other men. So I need to know what they want. What you want. What’s actually possible here.”
My throat tightens. “What if they want me back?”
“Then we’ll deal with that.” He finally meets my eyes. “But at least I’ll know. At least you’ll know. And we can make decisions based on reality instead of just...” He gestures helplessly. “Whatever this is.”
“When are you going?”
“Soon as I leave here.” He’s already moving toward the door. “I’ve got their location. Dario will be at his home or restaurant. I’ll start there.”
“Saul.”
He stops. Turns.
“Be careful.”
Something flickers across his face. Almost a smile. “I’m always careful.” He pauses. “Stay here. I’ll call you when I know something.”
