Page 38 of Monster
“Monster?” Gypsy’s voice was tinged with sadness and a new feeling flooded me. Embarrassment. Not the kind of shame I had felt when the doctored photos had shown up; this was worse. My president and his old lady had just watched me get my heart ripped out; Gypsy’s kindly tone just proved it.
I would never be able to look either of them in the eye again.
“Get her the fuck out of here before I get back,” I gritted out, not looking back even when Angela’s sob ripped through me. “I want her skanky, skinny ass gone.”
30
MONSTER
Everyone thoughtI was losing it and maybe they were right. I sank into drink and women but nothing was enough to dull the aching pit in my stomach. It was more than just shame. If I didn't know better I would have said it was heartbreak.
Except I was Monster and I didn't own a heart to break.
Keeping to myself was the best option, and the only way I had any hope of getting through it. I hated the way my club brothers looked at me. The way the old ladies fussed around me like I was a delicate flower. I’m sure if they’d had their way they would have come in my room with ice cream and chocolate, like they would have if it was a girlfriend.
But I wasn't one of their damn friends. I was Monster. And I had just learnt a lesson many learnt in their teenage years: how it felt to be used and then cast aside by someone you thought you had a future with. I had made the mistake of letting Angela in.
I downed the drink in my glass before slamming it down on the bar and signalling for another. It would be the last time I would ever make that mistake again. From there on out I wouldn't let myself feel a damn thing and I sure as hell wouldn't put my life and happiness in someone else's hands. That had been a rookie mistake.
Women were there for one reason and one reason only.
I should have remembered that with my angel.
“Monster?”
I turned my head in shock at the sound of Keeley’s voice. The moment I did, I wished I hadn't. Her face was full of the same kind of pity that everyone else had when they looked at me, and I couldn't stand it.
I was meant to be the one everyone was afraid of, not the one everyone felt sorry for.
“What are you doing here?”
“Angela told me what happened when she came to get her stuff earlier.” My cousin's blue eyes studied me. Her face was totally impassive.
My heart lurched at her words. Angela had been back in town? She had gone to Keeley’s but not come to see me. But then why would she? I was nothing to her. She had made her mind up. Angela had chosen. And her choice wasn’t me.
I doubted I even made the short list.
I didn't answer my cousin; I couldn't trust myself to speak. Not yet. I didn't want to fly into a rage at Keeley. And any talk about my feelings for Angela was sure to send me into a black funk.
“She asked about you.”
What the hell was I meant to say to that? “Ok,” I said non-committedly. My attention was firmly on the now refilled glass that had been pushed towards me.
“She's hurting too.”
Angela was hurting as well. My head snapped around, pinning Keeley to the spot with my glare. I wanted to say good. I wanted to scream at my cousin that I was glad Angela was hurting, that she deserved it, but saying those words out loud would just prove to everyone how much she had fucked me over. And I wasn't prepared to be seen as that weak.
“And that's my problem, how?”
Keeley’s face fell. “I just thought you would want to know…”
“You thought wrong.”
“Monster, come on. You aren't this guy, you have feelings for her...”
My control snapped. Wrapping my fingers around the glass, I launched it against the wall and Keeley shrank back in fear. “You have no idea what kind of man I am, Keeley. None at all.”
“Leave him be, woman.” A shadow that sounded oddly like The Judge stepped into my peripheral vision, laying a hand on Keeley’s arm and drawing her away.
