Page 41 of Monster
I turned to my head to face him as he pulled the car onto the main road. The white and orange glow of the streetlights illuminated his face in flashing intervals
“I don't have a woman. I got used by a bitch...”
“Sometimes for a clever man you are fucking dense, Monster. Angela didn't use you. She made a deal with her father to keep you out of prison.” His laughter filled the close confines of the car. “She agreed to marry someone else to keep your sorry ass out of prison.”
I continued to stare at him, his words making little to no sense to me.
Angela had left me to keep me out of prison?
“Why would she do that?”
“Oh, I don't know, maybe because she loves you?” The Judge shook his head, his eyes rolling. “I swear, you Sons are blind to what's right in front of your face. Angela loves you. Personally I think she's crazy, but some women just don't have any taste. The real question is what are you going to do about it? Her engagement was announced yesterday. As I understand it, it’s going to be a quick wedding. You don't have much time.”
I pondered his words for a second. I had failed Keeley when she needed me. Now Angela needed me. Maybe she didn't need saving in the same way, but she still needed help. The question was - could I put aside my hurt long enough to go and do it? Could I risk the possibility of rejection a second time?
And did I really have a choice? “She's really doing it for me?”
“Yep, don't tell Gio I told you because he didn't want you to know, but yeah, she made a deal with her dad for you. Everyone thinks Angela is the devil but her father is the real evil.”
I could believe that. Angela had a wicked streak, there was no doubt about it, but she wasn’t evil. She was my angel. “Do you know where she is?”
The Judge didn't move his face towards me. “I'm guessing getting ready for her lucky wedding. You want to go gate-crash?”
I thought about it for a split second but honestly I didn't even need that. Angela had smashed my heart into smithereens but if there was a chance we could be together, even the smallest chance, then I had to take it. “I love gate-crashing weddings.”
32
ANGELA
Lookingat myself in the mirror was like looking at a stranger. I didn't recognise myself. The coiffed hair, the too pink cheeks. The dress that encased my body was hideous, the lace like something a grandmother would have in her windows. The skirt reminded me of a mushroom. The only good thing about my God-awful wedding dress was that it made my waist look tiny.
Ugh. I turned away in disgust. It was too hard to even look at myself. I wasn't the person who stared back at me. I never had been. It had been a role I was forced to play to stay alive and in my family's good graces. But it wasn't who I really was. As Monster would say, it was a mask I wore to hide my true self. And I was tired of hiding.
Being with him even for those short few weeks had made me realise how exhausting being two different people actually was. With Monster I could be myself. Even if I wasn't sure I knew exactly who that was. I had been two totally different people for as long as I could remember. Both of them Angela, but neither of them truly me
With Monster I was just Angela. I was an angel. His angel. He didn't care who I pretended to be because he knew who I was deep down.
I hoped he knew that I cared for him. Even if he didn’t know the exact reason for me leaving, I wanted him to know that it had been the most real few weeks of my life. I hadn’t meant to fall in love. If that even was what the feeling was. I had never meant to hurt him.
“You look beautiful, Miss Monroe.” The make-up artist who I had totally forgotten stood to my left, a brush held loose in her hand. “But I think just a little more blush and…”
“No.” I snapped. God, I wanted to slap that stupid blusher brush right out of her hand. “Enough.” I lowered my voice as her eyes widened. “I already look like a child playing at being a bride. I don't need any more damn blush.”
Her face fell, crumbling in on itself.
Taking a deep breath, I forced myself to smile at her. It wasn’t her fault. She was just doing her job. And I had no doubt that my father had given her strict instructions. “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap.” I finally added. The words made me pause. Had I just apologised to her? Monster really had changed me.
“Miss Monroe.” The hand fell to her side. “I might be overstepping here but it just doesn't seem like you are very excited about today. Has something happened? Are you getting cold feet?” Her eyes searched my face. “Should I get your father? Or maybe your husband to be?”
“Neither, thank you. I’m fine.” I straightened my shoulders. I didn't want either of those men in my life let alone in my room. One I would have to spend the rest of my life with just to escape the other. Just to make sure the man I did want to be with stayed free and happy.
“Would you like to talk about it?”
She was trying to be kind. A lot of people had been kind to me. Once upon a time I would have thought of it as a weakness, but not any longer. Right then I was just happy someone cared. Even if it was a stranger.
“There's nothing really to talk about.”
She didn't look like she believed me but she didn't say a word as she started to pack up the tools of her trade. And even if I could have opened up to her, what could I have said? I couldn't tell her that I didn't want to marry the man waiting downstairs for me, but one a few hundred miles away who rode a bike and fucked me until my eyes rolled back in my head. I couldn't moan about the lavishly expensive dress that adorned my body or the diamonds at my throat.
