Page 57 of Cyber
Bringing my hand to my face, I grimaced. I didn’t know where that fire had come from, but I liked it. It was something I could imagine the old Iris doing. The hand I wiped under my nose came back smeared with blood.
“Are you done now?” I raised an eyebrow at her, arching it in question, and she glared at me.
“I've not even started,” she hissed. “Not by a long shot.”
“I gave you that one, but you won't get another shot. You could have hurt yourself. And all this stress isn't good for the baby.” At least I was pretty sure it wasn't. I wouldn't know. I knew absolutely nothing about babies.
Her eyes narrowed. “That's why I’m here, isn't it? Because Monster told you I'm pregnant?” Her voice was rising again. “Is that why you had me brought back? Is that why you are telling me you aren't dead now?” Her hand curled around the lamp on the side table, and she heaved it at my head. I side stepped it easily, letting it smash against the wall.
“That's enough, Iris.” My voice was steely. I couldn't blame her for her anger, but that didn't mean I was going to let her injure herself in her rage.
“Fuck you, Cyber. I wish you had died… I wish…” The anger seeped from her. First her shoulders sagged, and then her face twisted.
“Baby.” I was at her side in a second, folding her into my arms. “I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry. But it's ok. It's all going to be ok; I promise.”
“Answer my question.” She rubbed her face against my chest like she couldn't help herself. “Would you have told me you were alive if I hadn't been pregnant?”
I paused. “I wanted to tell you, Iris.” That was the truth. I had wanted to tell her, but part of me had wanted her to be free as well. To build a new life for herself far away from the mayhem and violence of my life.
“Would you have told me?” she repeated.
Sighing, I clutched her a little closer. “I’m telling you now, isn't that good enough?” Even as I said the words, I knew I had said the wrong thing. She scoffed before pulling away.
“So, that's a no. Let go of me, Cyber.”
My arms didn’t loosen. I didn’t want to let her go again, no matter what she did. When she was gone it had been easy to tell myself that I could let her go.
But now she was in my arms, I knew that was never going to happen.
I was too selfish.
“Not going to happen, sorry.” I pressed my bloody face against her hair, smearing it with my blood. “Not now I have you back.”
“You only want me now because I'm having a kid. What makes this one so special, Cyber? You didn't think twice about abandoning Violet, for letting us think you had DIED.”
“I didn’t abandon you or my fucking daughter, Iris.” It was my turn to get angry. “I did what I thought was right to make sure you were safe.”
“And to make sure you didn't have a baby momma and kid cramping your style,” she retorted. “Get the fuck out, Cyber. Just leave me the fuck alone.”
I wanted to shake her, make her listen to reason, but I couldn't do any of that. “It wasn't like that, Iris, I promise you it wasn't. There has been no one else since you left.” I added.
“Just get out, Cyber.” She shook her head, pulling out of my arms and turning her back to me. “Please.”
It was the please that did it. Sighing, I retreated to the door. Pausing, I turned back to her. “We will talk later, when you are calmer.” Without another word, I stomped from the room, letting the door bang shut behind me.
For a second, I paused, and that's when I heard her.
Iris was crying, great heart-breaking sobs like I had ripped out her soul and left her empty, and maybe I had. She had told me she had loved me the night we had faked my death, and even though I had said it back, I knew she hadn't heard me.
I had said it too late.
But I had another chance now.
Swinging open the door, I stood there in shock. Iris was curled on her side, her body shaking as she cried. She didn't turn to look at me or even scream at me to leave her alone. She was totally and utterly broken. I had done that.
Without thinking, I crept onto the bed next to her, my hands pulling her back against my body. I wrapped her in my arms and just held her as she sobbed.
“You want to know why you're here, Iris?” I whispered in her ear. “It's because I can't be without you. It has nothing to do with the kids we share. It's you. It’s always been you.”
