Page 55 of Cyber
“Hi.'' Suddenly I was nervous. She might look like she was pleased to see me, but that didn't mean everyone would be. What would the Savage Sons welcome be like? They weren't there by the looks of things, but it would only be a matter of time before one of them turned up.
“Welcome home, Iris.” Dropping my daughter to her feet, Maggie opened her arms wide, and I fell into them. A sob escaped me as I let out a ragged breath.
“Oh, sweet girl, it's ok. Everything’s ok.” Her hand smoothed down my back, like a mother comforting a child, and that was exactly how I felt. Like a child. “It's all going to be ok, Iris. You are home now.” Holding me at arm’s length, she studied my face with her wise eyes. “Let's get you both inside. We don't want you to catch a chill now.” Her eyes drifted to my stomach before she could help herself, and my hand touched just under my belly button instinctively. The smile on her face grew. “Come on, Violet, grab your mom's bag for her.”
Her face straining, Violet tugged the heavy bag over her shoulder, her muscles bunching.
With a laugh, Maggie looped her arm through mine, leading me up the stairs. “Cookies are in the kitchen, Violet, help yourself,” she called out after Violet’s retreating back. My daughter gave another giggle and quickened her pace. There was nothing like the promise of hot cookies straight from the oven to make her move quicker.
I half expected Maggie to follow after her.
“Lets me and you have a little talk, shall we?”
The smile was gone. She wasn't exactly frowning as I followed her into the sitting room, but it was close.
“Ok.” I hovered, not knowing what to do. I had lived in that house for months, but I wasn't sure if I should sit down without being asked or not. One look at Maggie’s face told me I was being stupid.
“I wish you had told us about the baby sooner, Iris.”
I blinked at her. She was telling me off because I hadn't told them? Swallowing down my pride, I opened my mouth to speak.
“Are you sure the baby is Cyber’s?” Her voice was neutral but I couldn't help the hurt her words brought up in my chest. I knew one of them would ask, but I hadn't expected it to be her. “Could it be…”
I didn’t let her finish, my eyes flashed, anger bubbled up in my chest, flooding my throat with a hot bitter taste. “Couldn't you have asked that question on the phone, Maggie?”
“Iris, this isn't me accusing you of anything. We will look after you no matter what.”
“You will...” I spluttered as I climbed to my feet, was that meant to make me feel better? That they would look after me? That's not what I wanted from any of them. I didn't even know what I wanted anymore, but I knew one thing, coming back here was a mistake. I should have stayed back in the UK. It might not have been home anymore, but neither was that place.
“I don't need anyone to look after me and my children, Maggie,” I whispered. I wanted to cry but for some reason, the tears wouldn't fall. I was more angry than upset. Even if her words cut me like a knife. “And yes, the baby is Cyber’s.” I straightened my shoulders as I glared down at her, but her face was impassive. It showed absolutely no emotion at all.
“Coming back here was a mistake, I need…”
“You need to calm down. I wasn't accusing you of anything, Iris. You have had a long flight and must be tired. Why don't you take a walk and clear your head?”
I blinked at her in surprise. And then shook my head. “No, I think we should find a hotel and book tickets home. This was a bad idea, I would appreciate it if no more money was put in my account either, Maggie.”
“Iris.” Her voice was sharp. “Go for that walk. I will look after Violet. When you come back, if you still want to leave, then I can help you arrange it. But for now, walk. I think it will do you good.”
My hair was plastered to my scalp by the time I had crossed the lawn of Maggie’s gardens and stopped. It was only then that I let the tears come.
This wasn't the way it was meant to go. When Maggie had told me to come home, I had expected it to make me feel good. That the gnawing hole in my stomach would finally close. I hadn't expected her to be so cold to me, and I sure as hell hadn't expected the panicky feeling that gripped me as I looked at the patch of grass where I had left Cyber dying.
The blood had long since been washed away, but I could still see it.
I could still see him, sense him everywhere.
It was like I could smell him. The masculine smoky scent of his skin mixed with the leather cut he always wore.
My heart shattered. I couldn't do this. I wasn't strong enough. At least in the UK I wasn't surrounded by memories of him.
It was going to be better all-round if I just went back. I needed to put all of it behind me. Put Cyber behind me. We didn't have a future; I had made sure of that. My choices. Choices that had given him no option but to sacrifice himself for us.
I deserved that pain.
My knees buckled. I didn't even try to right myself as the grief that I had been holding onto for the previous two months overwhelmed me. But I didn’t hit the grass. Warm, strong hands caught me under the armpits before I could.
“Easy there, baby.”
