Page 13 of Cyber
“Yeah.” I slid past her. I didn't want to touch her when she was that jumpy and nervous, but at the same time I did.
I wanted to touch her desperately. And it was a need that only grew by the second. I wasn't going to, but the want was there. Maybe it was just because she was there, behind closed doors with me again.
“It's one of the better rooms. I have my own bathroom, so you don't have to share, and I have the only key...” I held it up to prove my point.
“Where will you sleep?”
“I don't need much sleep, so you don't have to worry about me climbing into bed with you.” I tried to make light of the situation.
“I wasn't worried about that,” she lied quickly. “It's not like you would want to be in bed with someone like me now anyway.”
The raw pain and emotion in her voice hit me in the chest like someone had taken a sledgehammer to it. I stepped into her space and did the one thing I said I wasn't going to do. I reached out and touched her. My fingers curled around her prominent hip bone. “What do you mean by that, Iris?”
Jesus, she felt all wrong in my hands. A walking, talking skeleton.
Her eyes shifted away.
“Hey, look at me.” I waited until she did. “You’re fucking beautiful, Iris. So damn beautiful. Never forget that. What you have been through doesn’t change that.”
She shifted slightly, bringing her body closer to mine. So close that my chest brushed hers when I breathed out. My eyes squeezed shut and then snapped open again when I felt her cool fingers brush against my cheek.
“Iris...” I caught her wrist easily, drawing it away from my face. Her touch was too intoxicating. Being around her in my room was too tempting, because if she asked me to comfort her, to fuck the darkness I could see clouding her eyes away, I would do it.
“Don’t.” I shook my head. “We can't. It isn't a good idea.”
Her face fell, actually crumbled in front of me.
I had hurt her feelings. The last thing I wanted to do. “I should go.” I stepped back. Letting her hand fall was the hardest damn thing I had ever done.
“Yeah, you should.” She turned away, her shoulders shaking.
Fuck.
She thought I was rejecting her.
“Fuck, Iris, I just don’t…” How was it possible that the one time I was a gentleman in my entire adult life, a woman took it as a rejection? Where was the logic in that?
“Just leave, Cyber.”
“Iris, you’re fucking beautiful. I am just trying...” To keep my word to my club president, I added silently. “It's just not a good idea. You're in pain and I’m no…”
“Leave, Cyber. I would like to sleep. Or do you need to watch me do that as well?”
“I don't need to do that,” I said softly. I hated seeing her like that. She was in so much pain, like a wounded animal. Turning towards the door, I headed out. I didn't need to watch her sleep, but I would have if I could have gotten away with it. “If you need anything, I’ll be in the main room down at the end of the hall.”
I was a damn fool for leaving her. I knew it the moment the door shut behind me, but I still made my way to the common room and settled myself on one of the chairs with a beer. Being around her again, especially when she was damaged, was a torture I just wasn't strong enough to deal with.
I wanted the old Iris back, the one that had trembled around my fingers only minutes after I had huskily whispered, ‘hello Iris’, in her ear. That was the Iris I had been dreaming about for years, not the shell of a woman she had become.
Still, I had seen little sparks of that fire today, and the fact she had protected Maggie just went to prove that Iris wasn't as damaged as she thought she was. She still had some fight in her.
She was still, deep down, the Iris I knew.
It was me who was weak. I had left her alone in a strange room, in a place full of men she didn't know, because I couldn't be trusted. That was the truth of the matter. I couldn't be trusted, and neither could any of my club brothers. Not that I thought one of them would touch her against her will. I would skin alive any man who did. But someone would eventually realise how amazing she was and show her some kindness. The last thing I wanted was for Iris to fall for one of my brothers. That was something I just wouldn't be able to handle. Not when I had given my word that I wouldn't touch her.
“Not tonight.” I moved the hand that had started creeping up my thigh. The painted nails were oddly familiar, but I didn't glance up at her face. All the club girls were faceless entities to me. There was only one woman on my radar, and it was a woman I couldn’t have.
“I thought we might finish what we started earlier.” Skinny fingers reached for me again. And again I moved them back into their owner’s lap.
