Page 24 of Sweet Surrender
“In the last few weeks, I’ve had time to think about my future. Being so busy that I haven’t had time to date made me think about what I want, and it’s not to be always buried in work. The time that we spent together at both weddings was good for me. I enjoyed your company, felt safe, loved our talks, and I felt a sense of belonging with you.
“I want all the things, Judah. I want to spend time alone with you, go on dates with you, travel with you, and attend family gatherings with you. I want to explore this thing between us even more so that we can see where it might lead. When I think about the type of man I want to marry and build a family with, it’s you.”
“I’m twelve years older than you. If I married you today and you had a baby nine months from now, when our kid turns ten,I will be fifty-five years old. When our kid turned eighteen and graduated, I will be sixty-three.”
“I don’t care. I just want them with you, if that’s what you want.”
“I want that with you, too, Alex. The difference is, I’ve had time to live my life. I know what’s out there, what to expect, and where I’m going. You’re only thirty-two; you haven’t lived much. What if you want something different five years from now?”
“I only want you, Judah. We may have only just recently become involved, but I’ve known you for years. You’ve always presented a steady and strong presence in your family and in the lives of those you know, one that I have admired. I was crushing on you from the day we met, even before I started liking Issachar, but you were too old for me then.”
“And now?”
“Now, there are no barriers when it comes to age.”
“There’s just you and me,” he declared softly.
“I wish that were true. I worry about what my parents will say and how my brother will react. It’s not easy being the only girl and the youngest in the family, when they’ve always made my decisions. Bucking against them about my choice of colleges, my degree, and my career path almost caused me to lose it. As much as I want you, I know that my parents won’t approve, and I’m afraid of going down that road again. It will be challenging for me.”
“How so?”
“I was depressed for three years during college because they didn’t support my choices. They all but cut me off. Every holiday, I returned home to find they had gone away without even telling me. I spent most holidays alone or with friends. Then I got over it in my senior year, but it happened again when I opened my business.
“I struggled through building my business without their support. It was lonely, and at times I was confused and had no guidance. I second-guessed my choices and often wondered if I was making the wrong one. With Kelli’s help, I made it through. I don’t think I can do that again.”
“Alex, this is your life. If you’re allowing them to dictate your choices and only doing what pleases them, are you living? You’re drifting through life, barely existing to please people who can’t judge you in the end anyway. You’re comparing yourself with scales that have been rigged from the start, and they always will be, because human judgment is faulty. The only scales you should be using are the Lord’s.”
I pressed my hands against my face and groaned. “Everything that you’re saying is right, but it’s also scary. I don’t want to drop into the dark well of depression again, and I don’t want to have to use meds to cope.”
“And you don’t have to, beautiful. All I’m asking you is to consider the beautiful possibility of you and me, the possibility of us. Do you think you can do that?”
“What if it doesn’t work out between us?”
“Listen, I’m gonna be honest with you. I’ll fight for you, if you fight for me. I can’t have you worrying about what mama, daddy, and brother are gonna say. I need a grown woman on my team, Alex. I’m willing to put in the work if you’ll meet me halfway. Take that leap of faith with me.”
I could hear the plea in his voice, and I realized that it wasn’t easy for him either. After going through a divorce, it had to be difficult to trust someone else with your heart again.
“Okay, I will.”
He grabbed my hands and kissed my knuckles. We finished our drinks, danced two more times, and then got up to leave the dance club.
We held hands down the sidewalk as people hopped from one bar to another and as patrons spilled out onto the sidewalk from restaurants. We laughed and talked as we headed to see the waterfall at the other end of the street, a few blocks away.
Two blocks from the waterfall, I barely had time to release his hand when I saw my parents, Jonathan, and Tyra. I didn’t have time to turn back or rush across the street because my brother spotted me.
“Alex, hey, there. What’re you—oh! Hey, Judah,” Jonathan greeted, looking questioningly at Judah beside me.
“Wassup, Jon. Mr. and Mrs. Sheridan. Hi, Ty.” Judah politely greeted everyone with a smile and my brother with dap.
Tyra smiled and waved. “Hey, Alex. Hey, Judah.”
“Hi, Ty. It’s good to see you again, sweetie.” We hugged each other, and then I pulled back.
“Hi, what’s going on here?” my mother was the first to ask, looking between Judah and me.
My father stepped forward and embraced me, kissing me on the cheek, and greeting me with a “Hey, baby girl. How are you?”
“I’m good, Daddy. So where are you guys coming from?” I asked.
