Page 29 of Sweet Surrender
My heart dropped, hearing him tell me all this. I was hurting for Judah because he was such a good man, and he didn’t deserve to be treated that way. I now understood his reservations about Jessica at the wedding, but one thing was unclear.
“How does this relate to me?”
“Because like you, she wanted to have sex all the time. Then she started wanting to have risky sex in strange places and risking being caught. That was a turn-on for her, and she kept increasing the odds. It would never be enough for her, because she was always looking to up the ante and make it even riskier.
“The way you wanted to risk getting caught by doing what you did on the sidewalk at the wedding and behind the tree were red flags to me. I don’t want to go through that with another woman again. Putting my health at risk and the strain and tension that it created on our relationship was too much.”
“I’m so sorry, Judah. I had no idea. If I had known, I never would have put you at risk like that. Will you forgive me?”
“Of course I do. I just needed the air to be clear between us.”
“It’s crystal clear,” she replied. “Is that all?”
“No. It bothered me when you lied to your parents. Alex, my feelings for you are growing quickly. I don’t feel about you the way I once did.”
“How do you feel about me, Judah?”
“I care about you a lot. I know that you are on my heart both day and night, and I want you around for longer periods of time. I guess what I’m trying to say, Alex, is that I’m vested in you, but I don’t know how you feel about me, not with the way you keep denying me in public. If the only thing you want is sex, we need to go our separate ways because that’s not what I’m looking for.”
“I feel the way that you feel, Judah. I have treated this all so cavalierly. It’s not because of what you think though. I have enjoyed having sex lately. I like and care about you a lot, and I’m sorry that I may have made you feel used and uncared for when you never made me feel that way.
“I enjoy sex, a lot. It had been a while since I had any. Mostly though, I’ve been trying to dispel any thoughts that your brother has planted in my head. I also wanted to dispel any doubts that you may have had about me based on your brother calling me distant and callous. I have no idea what else he may have said, but I’m a sexual being who loves making love.”
He leaned forward and kissed me. “I haven’t had a conversation with my brother about you in the bedroom. I simply want to get closer to you and push our pasts aside. This isabout ‘us,’ not them. Let’s focus on Alex and Judah, if that’s good with you.”
“It is.”
“Then trust your heart this time. I promise that I won’t let you down, and neither will your heart. Just give in to what you’re feeling.”
He leaned forward and kissed me gently.I can do this, I told myself. My family honestly didn’t matter in the scheme of things. I prayed that they would support me on this journey, but life held no guarantees.
