Page 61 of Beautiful Deceit
My sleep-addled mind knows who's likely out there, but I have no desire to speak to him. He'll make some excuse. He’ll have some explanation, and like a fool, I'll believe it the second I look at him, not because it'll be true, but because honestly, I want to believe it.
I know better. Even with me standing right there, he did nothing to stop her, and what right do I even have to expect any different? Other than him saying he wanted more, we never once discussed what we were to each other.
Everything in our relationship has happened so fast, especially with the threat of Daryl or whoever is leaving the flowers. All of it was pushing us closer than we perhaps would have progressed naturally. Perhaps even pushing us into a relationship that otherwise would not have happened, Tash did say I was —unexpected for Beau. I shake my head at the thought, trying to lodge it from my mind, but it reminds me of all the women in his life. Even with him basically living with me, it felt weird to say, ‘Hey Beau. So are we exclusive? We said no casual, but what does that mean?’
I hug my pillow as my thoughts spiral.
The noise stops. My phone on the nightstand vibrates, the screen lighting up as a series of alerts come up on my phone. We still haven't exchanged numbers, weird as that is. He’s been with me so often that I haven’t thought to ask for his number. He must be contacting me through Facebook.
The intercom buzzer picks up again, prompting my reaction.
I pick up my phone, and the first thing noticed is the time because it's after two in the morning. I see numerous notifications from the bookstore’s page. I don't open the messaging app. Instead, I just read the first few words from each one. Most start the same.
I'm fucking worr…now
I’m sorry pleas…now
Answer the door1m ago
Are you home?2m ago
I can’t find you…1 hr ago
Did you leave?2hrs ago
Where are you 2hrs ago
Where’d you go2hrs ago
I respondto the most current message, to let know him I'm fine. I feel a bit juvenile by not answering him in person, especially with his obvious presence outside my building, but I just can't listen to him right now. If he still wants to talk tomorrow I'll call him, but not tonight.
I open the app and keep my eyes on the small keyboard that appears.
I’m fine, safe and sound. No worries.
I'll speakwith you tomorrow.
I hit send,the buzzing in my apartment stops almost immediately. My phone vibrates in my hand before the screen darkens.
WHERE ARE YOU ARE YOU HOME
OPEN THE DOOR
I'm confused. I want to open the door but know I shouldn't. I don't think my heart can handle just a few short days or weeks with Beau. Would it really be worth the broken heart I'd undoubtedly be left with? My phone brightens again, and I see the first portion.
Let me explain I...now
I'm feelmyself begin to give in. I walk over to the intercom. I stand by it a moment or two, breathing quietly. I depress the buzzer, letting him in.
I turn on a lamp in the living room as I make my way to the kitchen to start my coffee maker, thankful tomorrow is Sunday, and I don't have to be at work. The water heats up, filling my silent studio. I hear Beau’s thundering footsteps heading up the stairs. I sigh.
He knocks softly on my door.
I walk to the door, relieved to see that even in my state I remembered to lock it. I turn the few deadbolts and slide the security chain, then pull down on the handle, allowing him in. I turn my back and walk to the kitchen before he enters.
I grab a k-cup from my decaf stash and lock it in place. I turn around to grab a mug from the cradle. Beau looks irritated, his posture stiff with his lips pressed into a tight line. For the first time, his anger makes me nervous. I turn my back to him, placing the cup under the drip.
I walk over to my bed and retrieve my phone to use as a safety net. It's been hours since I left his place, and I don't want to know what he's been doing. If he stayed...I let the thought train off, not particularly interested in exploring it, but it returns. I think back to the alcohol in the fridge and Tasha. I don’t like the combination or what state it may speak to him being in now.
